


Desert Children

by Lacey (desertsongbird)



Series: Desert Children [1]
Category: Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys (Album), My Chemical Romance, The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys (Comic)
Genre: 2019, Apocalypse, California, Desert, Dystopia, F/M, Post-Nuclear War, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-07
Updated: 2017-05-12
Packaged: 2019-01-23 13:24:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 18
Words: 30,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12508400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/desertsongbird/pseuds/Lacey
Summary: (Danger Days)- Adelaide runs from Battery City, hoping to start a new life. What she finds is far from what she expected.





	1. Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> Video: http://youtu.be/ueR1IMVfUKw
> 
>  
> 
> _Originally Posted On Wattpad_

My name is Adelaide. The only thing I knew was my home on the outskirts of Los Angeles. The small attic room with the small window and the small bed had become my only home. Sometimes I dreamed about it on the humid nights before the nightmares started. I would wake up with sweat pouring down my face and I conjured the memory of the room again and again until it was almost real. My last night, though, I did not conjure the memory. Instead, I sat up in my creaky bed in my shared apartment in the poor parts of Battery City. I crept quietly out of my dark room and into the dirty bathroom that I shared with another girl. 

  
The other girl had never really talked to me. All I knew is that she was usually still out in the dark alleys selling her body for extra BLI pills to keep her high. The orphans like us who have no inheritance or family were left to scavenge in the city. We were seen as scum with medicine forced down our throats to keep us from becoming like the outsiders - the ones who live outside the city. 

  
The ones outside the walls are known as killjoys. I'm not exactly sure where they got their name from. But they are seen as anarchists. If one finds themselves caught in the open, they are killed or as the Draculoids like to call it, Exterminated. Exterminated as if they are vermin. They live outside of the perfect world that BLI built for the ones who are brainwashed by the luxuries. The Killjoys came out of the most unexpected places. They seeped through the walls of the city and into the desert. I could see  _wanted_  posters plastered on the walls of the brick alley through the bathroom window. The black and white faces on the poster didn't smile, and neither did I. 

  
There in the bathroom with the only light being a disgusting blue glow coming from BLI brand daylight bulbs, I stared into the eyes of the dark figures in the posters. I met eyes with each one. We exchanged no words. Just thoughts. And I saw in their eyes - not a blank and lifeless look - but pure fiery passion and anger. I felt the anger within me too. My fists clenched and I turned to the mirror to replace their faces with mine. I saw that same passion and anger within myself. My greasy hair and dark circles reminded me of the crumbling mess that I had become. I lived by the same rules and the same schedule everyday. I lived by their standards. Who are they to control me and take away everything I've ever had? Who are they to take my life away from me? 

  
I clenched my jaw and stormed back into my room. I fished around under my bed for my backpack. I used to use it for school at BLI, but I got myself sent out on a week break after I "caused a disturbance in class". I dumped the contents out onto the floor and began to fill the bag with various belongings that I was allowed to keep from my days spent in the underground safe houses. It wasn't much.

  
I found myself looking at the bag and realizing that my ID permanently attached to the bag also contained a tracker. I groaned and emptied the bag once more. In my dark closet, a worn bag sat in the corner. I had to discard a few items to fit a water bottle and two granola bars. The worn bag was much smaller than my school bag. With the passion still burning within me, I almost forgot to shove a change of clothes in my bag. I ended up adding the only clean shirt I had into my bag. 

  
Despite my noisy exit, I was able to get out of the apartment without too much trouble. I kept my head down, letting my hair create a veil between me and the world outside. I slipped soundlessly through alleyways and through empty streets. I found it to be almost too easy. No one had called to say that I was out after hours. No one on security had seen me walking. I was very, very alone. 

  
The security terminals were empty, but from within the tunnel I could hear an alarm. Loud enough to make me jump and hurt my eardrums. It suddenly hit me that I was attempting to leave the city. This was it. I could keep going or turn back. I could go back to the endless loop in my apartment building or possibly fry like an egg out in the desert. I made my choice.

  
I picked up my speed and began to run. I was reaching the first glass terminal where an alarm blared through a speaker from within. The back door to the terminal was open and a puddle of red, sticky liquid had begun to drip out from within. A dead Draculoid's brains had been blown out all over the control panel inside of the glass box. He was unnaturally slouched in his chair -- Dead. 

  
I gagged and tried to make sure I didn't puke in the tunnel. Someone would come across my throw up and would be able to identify me from just my emptied stomach. I couldn't leave any trace of myself behind in the tunnel. I picked up my pace, jogging past the next security terminal where another guard lay dead. He was sprawled across the inside of the terminal. But I didn't let it slow me. I was now aware of the fact that my freedom was the smell of dead bodies. My freedom was the burning in my lungs from lack of exercise. My freedom was the first breath I took of the unfiltered air outside the city walls and the stars shining on in the sky. They weren't aware of what was happening. They were already dead up there in their own vast wasteland. 

  
Just like me.


	2. I'll Keep You Safe Tonight

"Our only choice is to search her," the guy who went by Party Poison said.

Party Poison's bright red hair whipped across his face in the wind. He wore a jacket as brighter than the desert sky. Old, handmade bracelets adorned his tanned arms. The way him and his other gang members stared at me made me uncomfortable.  Their eyes were as black as they were in the Battery City newspapers.

"But I'd feel weird searching a girl." Jet Star complained and crossed his arms. Despite the windy day, his crazy fro seemed to stay in one place.

Fun Ghoul laughed. "Fucking pansy."

I looked down at my ripped jeans and sun burnt forearms while they argued amongst themselves. I looked like an absolute savage. No wonder why they didn't feel comfortable giving me a ride. I licked my chapped lips, tasting new blood from a small wound I had opened with my teeth. I sucked on the sore spot and stared up cautiously at the Killjoys.

Jet Star caught my eye and asked, "Where you from, kid?"

I wasn't exactly sure how to respond, but in a hoarse voice I replied. "If I say I'm from the city, you'll kill me. I guess it doesn't matter now anyway. I'm kind of already dead."

Fun Ghoul took off his sunglasses, revealing vibrant green eyes irises rimmed by a forest green. They were eyes you could get lost in. Despite the desert, I could almost smell evergreen and hear the soft sounds of a deep woods. For a small millisecond, I felt like home.

"You're from the city. What part?" He asked, those green eyes full of curiosity.

"Uhh," I tried to find words. "I, uh, I'm from the outskirts."

His lips twitched up into a smile. "Something we have in common, pretty girl."

I could feel my cheeks turning ruby red, not noticeable from my burnt face. Why would he call me pretty? Was he being sarcastic? I ran over the two words  _pretty girl_  in my head over and over until they weren't even words anymore. They became merely letters strung together to make some form of compliment that had never been associated with me.

"So are we taking her with us or not? Obviously she's an escapee." Jet Star said, looking at Party Poison. He seemed to be the decision maker of the gang.

"I don't know if I trust her." Kobra Kid spoke up for the first time. "We don't have room for her anyway."

"Of course we have room for her." Ghoul argued. "We can't just leave her here to die. Then we'd be just as bad as the Dracs say we are. Even if it's just for a day or two, we need to take her in and help her out."

Poison sighed, "Fine. It's not permanent and if she pulls any shit, it will be Ghoul's fault. Ghoul is fully responsible for anything that happens to her."

Most of them began walking towards the car. Kobra, who obviously had an attitude problem, kept his arms crossed and trudged most of the way back. However, Ghoul stayed. He reached out a tattooed hand towards me. He smirked. I raised a shaking hand to grasp his and he pulled me up. I noticed how rough and calloused his hands were from the grit of the desert.

I expected him to walk ahead of me, but he kept the same pace as me. He made small talk and tried to figure out what part of the outskirts I was from. I just breathed out one-word answers like smoke. My voice began strong, but faded into a whisper. Standing next to Ghoul was making me do this, I realized. There was something about him that made me feel almost nervous.

Fun Ghoul opened the colorful car door for me, and I slid into an extremely hot Trans Am with cracked vinyl seats. Even worse, I was situated right in the middle. My anxiety flared as I got claustrophobic. The t-tops of the Trans Am were opened, but the sun still filled the car with never ending heat. It had to be over 100 degrees.

Poison took pedal to the medal way to seriously. My head hit the back of the red seat before I could get comfortable. I stared absent-mindedly out the windshield at the road reaching into forever. I had heard that this main road was nicknamed Route Guano. I had no idea why, because Guano was the remains and excrement of bats and other birds. And then it hit me. Draculoids. Vampire design on the masks. Vampires turn into bats. If I wasn't paranoid as fuck, I would have laughed my ass off.

After fifteen minutes, I could feel my eyelids growing heavy. Time after time again I tried to concentrate on the radio blasting, to keep them open, but they eventually shut. I fell asleep from exhaustion.

I awoke after we came to a stop in front of an abandoned inn. I had always thought the Fabulous Killjoys lived their lives in a gas station. I was about to bring it up, but Ghoul answered my question for me.

"Welcome to our home. Shitty on the outside, paradise on the inside. We have them all convinced that we live in a gas station because if we really told them where we lived, we'd be dead." Ghoul grinned at me and opened the door to the Trans Am.

The inn looked like a literal trash heap. The sign out front was missing a few letters, but it looked like at one point it had said, Michelle's Family Inn. It was covered in boards and graffiti. Poison pushed one of the boards aside to reveal a faded, retro looking door. He fumbled with a keychain containing more toys and bottle cap openers than keys. When he finally found the key he was looking for, he slid it in the rusty lock and turned it to the left. The door made a satisfying click, and we all stepped inside.

Poison ran his hand along a dark wall until he found a light switch. The lights flickered on revealing a large kitchen. The inn was obviously a very small one, but the Killjoys had restored it to the best of their abilities. It even had electricity! Despite the musty smell, the place was just as Ghoul said. Paradise.

Poison, Kobra, and Jet walked into a dining area leaving Ghoul and I alone.

"So. This is where we live. Uhm...it's small. It has an entertainment space with a bar which is the closest thing to a living room and we usually eat in the family dining area over there," Ghoul pointed to an old, wood table on the other side of the counter. "We never use the huge dining room for guests. There's a ballroom but it's not much of one. The freezer down the hall is used for other things. We don't have a room ready so you'll have to sleep in my bed for now. I hope you don't mind. If you do mind, you can take the couch but it's not recommended. Any questions?"

"This probably seems rude and I hate to ask but can I take a shower?" I asked, hoping they had some form of running water.

Ghoul shrugged. "I don't see why not. Don't use the hot water. We are trying to conserve. Oh wait I should probably show you my room now."

Ghoul led me down a long hallway outside of the guest dining room. He stopped at the end of the hall near a staircase that led to the second floor and opened a door with the room number 13.

"I wasn't expecting guests so it's a bit of a mess." He said as we stepped into the room.

It was the size of an average motel room with the bed against the back wall and a desk in the right corner. The desk was filled with tools and trinkets of all sorts. The wall above it was covered in plans and messy handwriting on stained paper. To the left were a closet door and a door to the tiny bathroom.

Ghoul went through his stuff and handed me a Grateful Dead t-shirt and jeans. I would have to figure out how to get my belt to keep the baggy pants on, but other than that I knew I could make do with what I had.

I took a cold shower, washing the dirt from every crevice in my body before stepping out and putting on my only bra and pair of underwear along with the clothes Ghoul had given me. I was beating myself up mentally for not bringing a full change of clothes with me. It might have saved me trouble in the long run. The only thing I had left was a once clean shirt shoved in my bag from when I ran away. I was sure that I had used it several times for dusting myself off. It was probably covered in dirt.

Sure enough, Ghoul was sitting on the bed outside waiting for me. He chuckled when I stepped out of the bathroom.

"What?" I asked and narrowed my eyes at him.

"The pants are huge on you. Oh well."

I walked barefoot with Ghoul into the kitchen where he offered me a variety of canned food that frightened me. Dog food? Not appetizing. But if I had to eat it, I probably would.

"I'm not going to make you eat that. I'm just joking with you." He said, still laughing. "I'll make you a peanut butter sandwich. The bread isn't real bread and the peanut butter isn't really peanut butter. It comes from a can. But I guess it's better than nothing, right?"

I sat at the small table in the corner, staring at the knots in the wood and thought about how they looked like faces. Ghoul made me jump when he slid a vintage plate in front of me with a sad 'peanut butter sandwich' on it. I was so hungry that it didn't matter if it all came from a can. It tasted exactly the same as a real peanut butter sandwich.

"Slow down kid, you'll make yourself sick." Ghoul warned me as he watched me down a glass of water.

"It's been so long." I whispered.

"I'm sure it has." He replied and offered me another glass of water, which I accepted.

I took sips from the ice cold glass and watched the condensation build up on the outside. It reminded me of hot days outside my house from before the war where I sat with my grandmother and watched cars pass by. Before I could linger anymore, Ghoul interrupted my thoughts.

"So, tell me your story." He said.

I sighed and put the glass down on the table. "There isn't much of a story to tell."

"Hm. Well. If you tell me I'll convince Poison to let you stay." Ghoul smiled at me hopefully.

"Why is Poison in charge of everything?" I asked.

Ghoul pried farther. "Don't you have a story to tell?"

I shook my head. "Not really. It's just like everyone else's. Ran away."

"I don't believe that. But I guess you wouldn't want to tell your story to a complete stranger." He said and got up from the table, taking my empty plate. "What's your name, by the way?"

"Ad-"

"I don't want to know your real name." Ghoul interrupted.

"I don't have another name." I said.

He thought for a second before saying, "You flew away from everything you knew to start over. Phoenix. Rising from the ashes."

He looked so proud of himself. It was as if he had been waiting to name me his whole life. The smug expression on his face almost ticked me off. I was fine using the name I was born with. 

"Phoenix?" 

I wasn't a bird. I sure as hell didn't need another name. I didn't want to sound too offended, afraid that I might hurt his feelings. 

"Welcome aboard, Phoenix." 


	3. Make A Wish When Your Childhood Dies

"How do you have electricity and running water?" I asked Ghoul as we cleaned out the storage in the ballroom.

Ghoul was accompanying me on my first job. Tomorrow I got the honor of coming with him to where he worked on explosives and fixing guns. I wasn't too excited about interacting with people that I didn't really know but he convinced me that his boss was a good guy who had no problem with me coming to work with him.

"Well," He began. "A little ways away from here is a small body of water. My step father was a plumber so I know a little bit about the field. I smuggled a generator from BLI. We can't run too many things at once or it blows. Just letting making you aware. I spent a lot of our money made on fixing this place as soon as I got a job. For a long time we were homeless, you know."

"Why did you decide to come out here?" I asked as I sorted the old records and shifted my position on the creaking floor.

Ghoul dropped a 45" in the pile next to him and replied, "I wouldn't want to tell my story to a total stranger."

He pulled the next record of the pile and smirked. Ghoul got up from his place on the floor across from me and slid the record onto the record player. After shifting a tiny lever and pressing a button, the needle dropped on the record. After a few moments of fuzz and static, it began to play When You Were Young by The Killers.

I kept sorting the records until I felt a hand on my shoulder. I jumped in surprise.

Ghoul laughed and pulled me up from the floor. "May I have this dance?"

"I don't know how to dance." I tried to think up every excuse under the desert sun as to why I couldn't dance with him. I wasn't sure I was exactly comfortable with embarrassing myself.

"So? Aren't we friends? Friends don't judge friends."

"But we have to finish this."

"So?"

"I really don't want to fuck this up."

"Fuck what up?"

"Ghoul." I said in aggravation. "Fine."

I began to waltz with him around the small, dusty ballroom. We tripped over each other's feet a dozen times before I started laughing with him. Looking into his green eyes, I felt like I was dancing with someone I knew my whole life. He was the first friend I had ever made. Even after the song ended, we still waltzed. I forgot about what we were supposed to be doing completely.

There was a slam of a door that echoed throughout the room. Ghoul and I stopped at the same time and turned to the source of the noise. Poison stood there, unamused. His anger radiated throughout the whole room. I wanted to pull up the floorboards and hide. He was the last person I wanted to make angry. I looked over at Ghoul with anxious eyes. I hoped that he would have a few ideas up his sleeve.

"What are you doing?" Poison asked.

Ghoul chuckled. "Lighten up, Poison. We were just having fun."

Poison shook his head. "Whatever your name is, get your job done. Ghoul, come with me. We need you outside."

Ghoul raised a tattooed hand to say farewell before walking out with Poison. I could faintly hear him telling Poison that my name was Phoenix. The sound of the door closing behind them made me jump a little. I realized my face was as red as the peeling sunburn on my arms and I was shaking.

Fucking coward I said to myself in response to my thoughts of anxiety and humiliation. How are you going to survive out here?

When I finished my job, I lay on the old wood floor and breathed in the cool, musty air. The room had begun to get dark as the sun set and the skylight let in less light. I looked up at the white ceiling and thought about how the cracks made faces and different objects. I tried to bring back the memories of my childhood. I only could remember little bits such as eating ice cream on a hot day on my front porch and learning that the boy across the street I liked to play with had died recently of cancer. The bad bits forced their way into my head. Mom crying on the phone, begging my dad to stay with her because I was so young. Burying my first pet in the pouring rain. Little beads of blood rising to the surface.

Tears formed in my eyes and I pushed them away with my fingers. The door to my left opened and Ghoul stepped in.

"What are you looking at?" He asked and came to join me on the floor.

I pointed up at some of the cracks in the ceiling and explained that they looked like different things. Ghoul put his head closer to mine to see them from my view. He squinted his eyes a bit. I noticed how he smelled of old cigarettes and cologne. The roots of his hair were brown and there was a scorpion tattoo on his neck. He caught me looking at him and turned his head to me.

"What?" He asked.

"Nothing." I shrugged.

He looked back up at the ceiling, a smile spreading across his face. I smiled too, as if his smile was contagious.

"Poison says that you can only stay here for one more day which is tomorrow and then you have to leave." Ghoul said.

My smile faded and the room seemed to get darker. I couldn't leave now. I made my first friend here and I would die on my own. I assumed that the reason that I had to leave was because of earlier when I wasn't working. Even with the guilt, I still knew that I wouldn't regret dancing with him. I had felt alive for the first time in a long time. It felt like I could finally breathe. Ghoul was my fresh air. I didn't want to get close to him but it felt so good to have him around. It hurt to know that I was going to have to leave this paradise and march the parade of death in the wasteland.

"Oh." I said sadly, trying to hold in tears.

Ghoul changed the subject. "Why were you crying?"

"I wasn't." I said quickly, obviously lying.

"You were. Was it because of Poison?" Ghoul asked.

"No. I was just thinking about some things." I whispered. "It doesn't matter."

"But it does. Why were you crying?"

My bottom lip began to wobble and the tears came back. I felt embarrassment flood through me. Ugh why was I crying again? There are no perks to being sensitive. All you find is that you continually embarrass yourself in front of people.

"Why do you care?" I asked and tried to discreetly wipe my face.

I tried to put on a brave face, but it obviously wasn't working. Pushing him away didn't make me feel any better.

"See? You're doing it again. You can tell me, you know. Who would I tell? Shit, I'm being nosy. I'm sorry. But really. Why not tell me?" He was facing me now, his head propped up on his hand.

I began to sob, and I spoke fast. "Just trying to get away from my past. I still can't. I only have one more day here and maybe only you like me but you know, that's okay. I just want to stay. If I have to go back out there, I'm just going to-"

I couldn't finish. I had talked too much. My feels were becoming word vomit.

" 'You're just going to...' what?" Ghoul asked.

I didn't respond so he repeated his question. I shook my head and sat up. I need to get out of this room. It felt like it was closing in on us and he didn't even seem to notice. Ghoul sat up with me and threw his arms around me before I could get up. I didn't hug him back. He pressed his face against mine and whispered in my ear.

"You have to stay alive for me. Do you hear me? You have to stay alive. Because I care about you even if you think no one does."

I nodded and we sat there like that for awhile. I leaned my head against his shoulder and breathed in his scent of old cigarettes and cologne. I was starting to slowly let him in. I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. Maybe his help was what I needed. Maybe he really didn't want to screw me over.

Finally he released me and helped me up from the floor. I followed him out into the hallway. He told me to go sit in his room while he got us something to eat.

I sat down on his bed and stared at the wrinkles in the sheets. My head was pounding and I wished to just sleep. I wanted to fall into the deep sleep that dragged you under into an ocean of comfort. It was the kind of sleep where you didn't dream. It was what I needed to feel better. Thinking about it made my eyelids heavy.

Ghoul came in with two plates. He handed me one and I said 'thank you' politely. I didn't quite comprehend what I was eating. It was probably something canned but I didn't taste it. I just filled my stomach until I was full. Ghoul and I didn't talk until he had returned our plates to the kitchen.

"Sleeping here tonight?" He asked.

"Yes." I replied.

While he was getting undressed I realized that I couldn't spend my time worrying about whether he saw me naked or not. He wasn't even paying attention. Even with him not looking,  I felt anxious. I didn't think he would do anything to me due to the fact that he seemed very trustworthy. But I had put my trust in someone before and I had ended up in a bad situation. If I could strip fast enough, he might not get a look at my body. So I stripped down to just a t-shirt. It was so big that it served as a nightgown and covered my underwear. My eyes nervously darted over to him.

"Do you want me to wash those?" Ghoul asked, referring to my pile of clothes that I had balled up in my hands. "Just put them with mine and they'll be done by tomorrow."

"Yes please." I said quietly and shuffled over to the other side of the bed where his clothes were in a large container on the floor that I assumed was a laundry basket.

I added my clothes to the growing pile. I looked up at Ghoul and noticed that he had changed into sweatpants and a plain t-shirt. A slight smile grew on his face. My hands felt down to the hem of my shirt to make sure it was still covering everything that it needed to cover. I managed a smile back and moved back to my side of the bed. By the time I had gotten my self situated on the bed, he was gone with the laundry. I wasn't even awake to see him come back. I was already curled up in the bed as close to the edge as possible to give us distance.


	4. Hide Your Body From the Scarecrow

One thing I learned about Ghoul was that he never slept. I woke up in the middle of the night and forgot where I was. The smell of old house and Ghoul's presence reminded me that I was safe and had a roof over my head for one more day. It was extremely dark from the boards covering the windows. I couldn’t even see an outline of Ghoul. Suddenly I felt something touch my shoulder and I made a noise of distress in response.

“Sorry to scare you. Can’t sleep?” He asked, shifting closer to me.

“I...oh god you scared me so bad. No I just woke up.” I whispered in his general direction.

“Oh,” He sighed and I could feel him shift even closer to me. “I almost never get to sleep. Maybe for twenty minutes. That’s all at one time.”

“Why? So what, do you just lay here in the dark?” I asked.

He chuckled. “No. I usually stay up working but I figured you were going to want to sleep. Plus I don’t like the dark and you look pretty when you’re asleep. I mean you do when you’re awake too but it’s really special when you’re asleep.”

I was a little creeped out. “You watch me when I’m asleep? How the fuck can you see me?”

“Oh man that sounded terrible I didn’t mean it that way. I meant...nevermind. Forget it. Lets pretend I didn’t say that.” Ghoul sounded terribly embarrassed.  
  
I changed the subject. “So you’re also afraid of the dark?”

Even though I couldn’t see him, I could definitely say he was smiling when he spoke next.

“I’m not afraid of the dark, my dear. I’m afraid of what’s in it.”

I only knew it was morning because Ghoul had pushed the boards away from the windows, letting in natural light through the old glass. The space next to me in bed was empty but still somewhat warm indicating that Ghoul had gotten up not long ago. I could hear the shower running in the bathroom. I took the opportunity to get dressed before he got out of the shower. A pair of clothes were laid out on my side of the bed with an old sticky note on the shirt indicating this is what I was supposed to wear. My clothes from last night were sitting there too, clean.

  
While I was sitting there staring at the shirt on the bed, something pricked at my brain. Something I was supposed to remember.  _My shirt._ My special Pink Floyd shirt. I left it in the city. Had I? No. I remembered shoving it in my pocket as much as I could. I had totally forgotten about it. Where was it? I must have dropped it out of my pocket. No.

  
Ghoul walked out of the bathroom fully clothed with wet hair as I stood there with no shirt on.

“What are you doing?” He asked.  
  
“My shirt.” I whispered, the calm before the storm.

“What shirt?” Ghoul asked.

My voice began to rise as I panicked. “Pink Floyd. Dark Side of the Moon. It’s a tour shirt.”

He looked at me confused at first, and then a lightbulb went off in his head. “Oh! I found it half stuffed in your pocket. It’s hanging up to dry so the dryer doesn’t ruin the graphics.”

I was so relieved I could have kissed him. “Oh thank god. It’s one of the only things that I have that I sneaked in from before the war. It’s proof that my life existed.”

I slipped on the shirt that Ghoul had put out for me, almost putting my head through the sleeve.

“We all have those things that remind us of home that we keep. I know I do.” He reached for the necklace around his neck that I hadn’t really paid any attention to. “I was some stupid thing I got out of a machine but I’ve always worn it.”

I approached him to look at the necklace. I took it between my fingers. It was a silver circular pendant on a black cord. It had a small design of a star. The necklace was a bit beat up, showing that it was indeed worn all the time. I caught eyes with Fun Ghoul for a second. In that moment I held my breath and I could feel something ache in my chest as I looked into his green eyes. Realizing what I was doing, I smiled awkwardly and stepped away from him.

  
As I put on my Converse, Ghoul explained to me what we were doing today. All I could think about was that moment between us. I couldn’t let myself get attached to him because I was leaving tomorrow. Plus, he was a total stranger. Well, not a  _total_  stranger. But I barely knew him. I knew I could trust him and he was truly a very nice person but I couldn’t let this happen to me. Not after the last time.

  
The last time was in 5th grade. There was a kid who sat in front of me with sandy blonde hair. He had brown freckles and his blue eyes sparkled when he smiled. I thought he was one of the cutest kids I had ever seen. He wasn’t popular with the other girls because he had broke the heart of Jillian, a popular girl in the school. I liked him so much that I wrote a poem to him anonymously. He thought it was Jillian’s poem and told his friends that it was the shittiest poem he had ever read. I went home that day and convinced myself that I hated human beings and that I would never ever date anyone.

“You’re going to get made fun of for those shoes.” Ghoul pointed out.

“So?” I asked and laced the last shoe.

“No one even wears those. They are so 2013 and probably the tackiest things I have ever seen.” Ghoul opened the small closet door and searched until he found a pair of worn boots. “These got too small for me. I think they will be alright for you.”

I took the boots from him and inspected the size. They would be pretty big for me but it was better than nothing. I was still sad about leaving my beloved sneakers behind. And for the last god damn time,  _they weren’t tacky_.

  
I pulled off my old shoes and slipped on the boots. I reached down to tie them but Ghoul shooed my hands away and laced them himself. I watched as he pulled the laces through and pulled them tight. His long dark eyelashes brushed his cheeks every time he blinked. His long fingers tied the laces into a good knot before he stood up before me and asked me if I was ready.

  
I felt underdressed standing next to him. He had on a heavy vest and a holster holding his green raygun. His boots were much nicer than mine and he even had a fancy pair of sunglasses to top it all off. I looked like a total hobo.

  
We raided the kitchen for something quick and made the closest thing to toast before getting into the Trans Am parked in a garage ready to collapse. I noticed how the other Killjoys were missing but their car was still here. Interesting. I got to sit shotgun and pick a tape from the dozen in the glove compartment. They were mostly labeled with numbers and song lists too worn to read. Ghoul described it as, ‘Picking your poison, no pun intended’. I slid the tape into the tape player and pressed what looked like the  _play_  button. A familiar song played through the speakers.  
  
“This song is so old.” Ghoul commented. “But still a good one I suppose.”

We didn’t speak anymore and listened to the sounds of Skinny Love by Bon Iver as we drove down the dusty road. I leaned into the vinyl seat and closed my eyes. I let the warm sun wash over me. I could get used to this.

  
It was a short distance from the inn to where Ghoul worked. It was set up like your typical gun shop. Ghoul explained to me that there was no way anyone could come and steal anything because the guy who owned it actually lived there.

“He’s more badass than I am and that’s saying a lot.” Ghoul said as we stepped into the dark and ominous gunshop.

I noticed how Ghoul held the door open for me like a gentleman. I smiled and thanked him. He winked at me in reply.

Ghoul called out to the dark counter before turning on the lights. They were bright enough to give me a headache. “I brought a friend with me to help out.”  
  
A man with mousy brown hair and a bright smile approached us. I noticed how skinny he was. I could almost see all of the bones in his hand as I shook it.

“The name is Toxic Skeleton. Most people call me Skele though. And you?” Skele asked.

I almost forgot my name. “Phoenix. Just Phoenix.”

“What a beautiful girlfriend you have.” He said to Ghoul and smiled.

Ghoul turned a bit pink when Skele called me his girlfriend.

“Oh, uh, she’s not my girlfriend. She’s just someone we are taking in for now.”

“Oh, sorry. Well you never know.” Skele winked at the both of us before taking me on a tour of the place.

It looked quite small on the outside, but on the inside it was a rather large place. It was old like the inn, but had a lot more character. Most of the old architecture was preserved with beautiful wooden beams. I always admired old buildings. They reminded me of my old home before the wars. It was built in the style of an old Victorian with a large attic room that happened to be mine. I smiled at the memory.

“Shit.” Skele muttered. “Dracs.”

We watched as a black and white car passed the gun shop, clearly ignoring the fact that we were here.

“They never come out here. Guess it’s S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W on a mission.” Ghoul replied as the car faded into the distance. “Good thing they aren’t driving towards the inn. I don’t think Poison even has pants on yet.”

I could feel a tightness in my chest that I acknowledged as panic. I tried to control my breathing.  _No not here_ , I told myself. I couldn’t have a panic attack now. I was in a gun shop with Ghoul. I was safe. I hadn’t realized how dependent I was on my medication until now that I didn’t have it to calm me.

“You alright over there?” Ghoul asked me.

I could literally feel my skin burning.  _It’s all in your head._

“Yes, why?” I lied.

Ghoul shrugged. “You’ve just been really quiet.”

Ghoul and I went off to work. He pulled me into one of the storerooms.

“You’re panicking. I can tell.” He said.

“Yeah. Yeah I am.”  I breathed. “I feel like I’m going to puke.”

“I used to get them a lot. Count backwards from 100 by 3’s with me.”

I closed my eyes and counted slowly with him. I could feel my breathing even out as I got to 27. When we finished I opened my eyes and saw that he was staring at me.

“How do you feel?” He asked.

“I’m alright. Better I guess.” I whispered. “I don’t feel like I’m going to puke anymore. Thanks.”

Ghoul smiled slightly. “Good and no problem.”

The day went alright. I helped Ghoul and he tried to teach me along the way. I knew nothing about guns or bombs. I assumed in this world I would need to know a lot about them to survive. Even after he taught me how to make a basic bomb that required no complicated parts, I was still confused. He promised me that later he would teach me how to shoot like a pro. That thought gave me hope.

  
But later that day I got a taste of real life as we were about to leave. The Dracs came back for us. Ghoul grabbed the back of my shirt and pulled me behind the Trans Am. He slid his gun out of it’s holster and turned off the safety with his thumb.

  
Ghoul counted the Dracs. Only four. He motioned for me to stay down while he took them out. My chest was tightening up again.

  
Ghoul came out from behind the Trans Am and the sounds of gunfire filled the air. Someone grabbed my arm and I was pulled to the left. I swung my fist from my free hand into the general direction of the person grabbing me. It hit home and I saw I had stunned a Drac. I reached over to pull off his mask, but the Drac used that opportunity to hit me in the stomach. It wasn’t a hard hit, but it was enough to make me back up so he had enough time to pull out his gun. My head hit the side of the Trans Am. As his hand reached for the gun sitting conveniently in a holster, I threw myself at him and prepared for the impact. His gun went soaring and slid not far from us.

  
I knew nothing about hand to hand combat except how to form a proper fist. I hoped that just that knowledge and my quicker reflexes would save me. I found I was wrong as the Drac grabbed my arm and tried to snap it. My knee went directly between his legs. I used that opportunity to reach for the Drac’s gun. When I picked it up, I noticed how rayguns weren’t as heavy as normal guns, but the sense of power I got when I held it made me aware of the adrenaline coursing through my veins.

  
I held the gun up and aimed at the Drac’s head. His dark hair covered his human face. In that moment I realized that he was a human. Just like Ghoul and I. Was I willing to take his life even if it meant saving ours? What if he had a family? What happened when the city had to inform his wife and kids that their father was dead after a savage person such as myself shot him? My head spun with doubts but before the Drac could turn his head to look at me, I looked away before I pulled the trigger.

  
I slid to the ground and wiped sweat from my face. When I pulled back my hand I saw it was smeared with blood. The blood was everywhere now. I could taste it on my lips and feel it mixing with the sweat on my forehead. The gunfire had ceased and Ghoul dropped down next to me.

“What happened to you?” He asked, referring to my head.

“I...I..uhhh,” I couldn’t find the words. “I, uh, killed a man.”

Ghoul laughed at me and stood up to open the driver’s side of the Trans Am. I sat there shaking and staring at the blood on my hands and the gun at my side. My heart felt like it was going to burst out of my chest. I was panicking again.

  
Ghoul came back with a clean rag and pressed it against the cut on my head. I took the rag from him as he dragged the bodies away from the car. Skele came out of hiding from inside the shop.  
  
“Looks like you took care of them.” He commented.

Ghoul laughed sarcastically. “Yeah but we could have used some help. What were you doing, sitting inside drinking iced tea?”

Skele came to stand by me. He looked down at my shocked expression and laughed at me.  

“You look pale as a ghost. What, you’ve never seen a dead body before?”

I faked a smile at him. “It’s just been a long day.”


	5. Leave A Dream Where the Fallout Lies

Ghoul told me to keep the gun from the Drac I had killed. He said it would come in handy in the long run. I felt a little bit safer with it by my side, even though I knew it would eventually run out of battery and it would be rendered useless.

Even when we got back to the inn I was still shaken up and not prepared for the greeting we got from Poison.

"I thought she was leaving." Poison said and crossed his arms.

"Yeah, tomorrow." Ghoul responded. 

Poison narrowed his eyes. "I heard you too ran into some Dracs and she doesn't even know how to shoot a gun. How can she stay here if she isn't of any use to us?" 

"I can train her! You know that you were like this too when you first came into the desert! Please just give her a god damn chance! She ghosted a Drac out there. She has some knowledge." Ghoul fought against Poison.

"No. No, I'm done." Poison came at me and dragged me outside like a dog.

I yelled out and struggled, but I was nothing against him. I tried to push him away from me. My shirt practically strangled me. I tried to get in a good kick but I found that my legs were hitting rock. He wasn't affected by my poor attempts at fighting back. Poison put me in a headlock. My nails dug into his skin.

I could see Ghoul racing towards the door trying to stop Poison. Before I could even yell out to him, something hit my head hard and the ground disappeared beneath my feet. My vision faded into red and black before I slipped under the waves of unconsciousness.

I woke up later in the desert dirt with the sound of the Trans Am behind me. My head felt as if someone had taken a pick ax to it and the pieces of my skull were scattered about me. I pressed a hand to my head, and it came back dirty and sticky. I figured I had bled a little when I had been hit over the head. Or at least I assumed I was hit over the head. I struggled to lift myself up off of the ground. Much to my surprise, my stolen gun was still with me. I picked it up with shaking hands and sat up in the dirt. The Trans Am wasn't visible from the road now, and I was alone. 

As I tried to think of what I was going to do now, a spider the size of a man creeped slowly across Route Guano, feeling the hot asphalt with his feet or whatever they were. I cringed. It was the most horrifying, disgusting, morbid, and frightening creature I had ever seen. I slowly scooted away from the monstrous arachnid and pulled myself onto my feet to walk in the opposite direction. Later I would learn the thing I had seen was a camel spider. They were native to the desert and were only seen in Zones 4+. They were ferocious creatures and were not to be angered.

I remembered Ghoul's words,  _you have to_   _stay alive_  and took a deep breath. I followed the road for three hours, my throat aching. I was hoping they would at least leave me with some sort of water, but unfortunately I was left with just the clothes on my back and my gun. My gear was still at the inn. I had left everything behind.

Just as I spotted a small shack to take cover in, I heard the sound of a car approaching. I spun around to see a BLI car stop a few feet away from me. The doors opened and three Dracs stepped out.  This was it. This was the end of me. Ghoul's words still rang in my head but it didn't matter now. I closed my eyes and waited. I thought about everything I hadn't done in life and all of the tears I had shed over stupid things. I felt like a coward standing there as I waited for death. 

My hand tightened around the raygun I was holding. I opened my eyes and looked down at it. My heart pounded in my chest. I fixated my gaze on the figures approaching me. Their guns weren't raised. A lamb surrounded by wolves. I raised my gun and aimed towards the closest Drac. It was an embarrassing attempt at defending myself. The bullet grazed the Drac's leg and didn't even make him flinch. They came towards me like zombies. They knew I wasn't a threat due to my lack of skill and didn't even need their weapons. 

From behind me, a raygun fired five times. The brainwashed vampires dropped like ragdolls. A hand touched my shoulder. I spun around quickly and threw my arm in that direction, frightened. I opened my eyes and turned to see who my victim was. It was Ghoul, rubbing his face. 

"I come and save you, and you punch me in the fucking face. Jesus Christ, I've gotta say that was a fantastic punch." He commented sarcastically.

I was so happy to see him that I ran to him and threw my arms around him. I laughed with glee. I felt like an idiot embracing him like that. But I was so relieved. I couldn't believe he had come back for me after all.

"You didn't leave me." I mumbled into his shoulder.

"Uh, no. No I didn't. Uh, ok." He awkwardly hugged me back. "I made Poison tell me where he brought you. Look, I feel really shitty about what happened and the cut on your head isn't even cleaned properly. It's all dirty and it's going to get infected and you need another shower."

I let go of him as I looked around. The Trans Am was parked behind the Drac car. I wondered what Ghoul had to do to get the keys from Poison. I'm sure they both put up a fight. It made me nervous as to what I would go back to. 

"Look, we don't have time to stand around. There's a storm rolling in and we need you to help us seal the windows. Its going to be pretty bad." Ghoul said and began walking towards the car. 

I followed behind him and jumped into the passenger seat of the Trans Am. The air around us began to feel heavy, and the sky darkened. Ghoul drove as fast as he could. He muttered curses under his breath as it got darker and darker. We barely made it to the inn on time before the sky opened up.

The rest of the Killjoys were securing the boards on the windows as we heard the first rumble of thunder. We drove the Trans Am into the little garage and went to help the struggling boys. I held the boards while Ghoul hammered nails. I had never seen such hostile weather. It began to pour.

We ran for cover and pushed the last board across the door in back of us. Poison slammed the door behind us. We were all breathing heavily as the sound of thunder shook the whole inn. Standing there in the kitchen dripping from standing in the pouring rain, Poison and I locked eyes. The look he gave me made me want to back out of the room and down the hallway to Ghoul's room.

"What is she doing here?" Kobra asked.

Poison shook his head and walked out of the kitchen and to his room where he slammed the door behind us. It made us all jump at the same time. They all stared at me. Feeling uncomfortable, I walked down the hallway just as Poison had and let myself into Ghoul's room. I didn't slam the door, but rather shut it as quietly as possible. I set down the white raygun on the edge of Ghoul's bed and pulled off my wet boots and socks. With my last bit of strength, I sat down on the bathroom floor, pulled my knees to my chest, and cried.

My heart was heavy with sorrow and worry. I would never fit in here with my terrible anxiety. I hadn't done anything particularly wrong to any of them but I knew the only person that would accept me was Ghoul.

Speaking of Ghoul, he walked around the corner just then as I was trying to hide my stupid tears. I didn't want him to know that I was a cry baby but it was unfortunately too late. He sighed and sat down next to me on the bathroom floor.

"Bad day." He said.

"Yeah." I breathed.

Thunder rumbled again, louder than the first time. I tried to hide my fear. Ghoul laughed.

"What?" I asked defensively.

He grinned. "You."

"I am aware. I'm also frightened of elevators and ladybugs." I admitted my fears, picking at my fingernails. "What about you?"

"Whatever's in the dark. But of course I couldn't  _tell_  you my fears." Ghoul replied. "You'll have to figure them out yourself."

He grinned slyly at me and winked. I shook my head at him. I couldn't find the strength to smile. 

Ghoul ended the conversation by getting up off of the floor and going into the small bathroom closet. He pulled out some medical supplies that I assumed were for the cut on my head. I stood up and he motioned for me to sit on the bathroom counter so we were at eye level. I was shorter than Ghoul which was saying a lot considering he was shorter than all of the other Killjoys.

I winced as he pressed a cool cloth damp with water against my forehead to clean the cut. I winced even more when he applied alcohol to it. I hissed through my teeth and tightened my grip on the bathroom counter.

"Sorry." He murmured. "Lucky you don't need stitches."

Ghoul bandaged up the cut and smiled at his work. I thanked him.

"Of course. You're good as new now."

He half smiled at me and I felt something inside of me set fire sending warmth through my body. The butterflies in my stomach were back. Rather than denying them and beating myself up, I smiled back. It felt so strange to smile. It was like an old friend showing up to your house or finding your favorite childhood toy in the attic. I admitted it. I had a thing for this guy I met only two days ago. A few minutes ago I felt like I didn't know how I was going go survive. But with him by my side I felt a little hopeful.

I hopped down from the counter just as the generator stopped working. We were plunged into total darkness. Groaning, Ghoul put his hand on my shoulder. We tried to work our way through the darkness. Ghoul pulled a lighter out of his pocket and used it as a makeshift light. The small flame illuminated our faces.

"Shitty timing." He commented.

"Where the fuck are the flashlights around here?" I asked Ghoul and he laughed at me.

We heard a crash from down the hall and cursing. We tripped over each other as we made our way down the dark hallway, feeling the walls. Ghoul slipped the lighter in his pocket and reached for something clipped to his jeans. There was a jingle of keys and then the lighter was back. He slipped a key into a large metal door that I assumed was the freezer. When Ghoul turned the key, four clicks were heard before the door unlocked. We slipped into the dark room and closed the door behind us.

"Stay here." Ghoul said and patted my shoulder before disappearing with his little lighter.

From what the lighter illuminated, I could see that the freezer wasn't a freezer at all despite its slight coolness and the smell of refrigeration. There were waist high cabinets and a whole lot of guns lining the walls. It looked like something out of an action movie. I was still gawking at the sizable guns when Ghoul tapped my shoulder, flashlights in hand. He gave me one and I switched it on. I took one last look at the freezer's contents before leaving with Ghoul.

Ghoul didn't even bother to check on the others. He went straight to the musty basement where the generator sat in silence. I stood there feeling itchy from walking through cobwebs while Ghoul checked the generator. Luckily, it only needed some fuel and it wasn't actually broken. There was light glowing from the upstairs once we had refueled it and restarted it.

I walked in Ghoul's general direction and before I knew it we hit heads. The cut on my forehead throbbed in response.

"Fuck!" I yelled and put my hand to my head.

"Shit, sorry." Ghoul's hands found my shoulders and then both sides of my face. "There you are."

My heart stopped and I was so glad he could barely see me because my face was definitely turning red. I could feel his warm breath against my face. For a second, I swore he was going to kiss me but really he was staring at the bandage on my forehead. He apologized again and touched the bandage with his fingertips before moving towards the stairs. It took me a second to function again because I had been holding my breath for so long. I took in a deep breath of air and sighed.

I stayed up the whole night listening to the thunder and thinking about how I was going to stop feeling how I felt about him. Even though I planned to just ignore it and suppress it, each day was a war. I wanted to give in to the feelings but I didn't want to get hurt. It almost felt like he was teasing me each time he jokingly flirted with me. The day I swore to God that he felt the same way was the day he started training me.

 

I ran fifty times around the inn before I collapsed and then he made me do push-ups and sit-ups until I puked. According to him, when the training was over I would attend every party I was excluded from and no one would dare mess with me again. I would have laughed at his little joke if I wasn't puking my guts out. I was so weak. BLI had kept me almost malnourished so I had no chance of fighting back. I needed to eat more and bulk up.

Ghoul walked inside and came out with the raygun I had stolen from the Drac many days ago. He set up a target and handed me the gun.

"I guess I'm going to teach you how to properly shoot. Not to be cocky but I was in charge of all of the weapons during the wars and I have the best aim in the Zones. Trust me, when I'm done with you, you'll be the second best aim." He said.

Ghoul came up behind me and grabbed my waist, explaining to me not to slouch. I followed his instructions to stand with my legs slightly apart and with my arm bent at a small angle. I squeezed the trigger like he told me to and I missed the target completely. I frowned in frustration and tried again and again.

"You should have hit the target at least once by now." He said and laughed. "Here let me help."

I was quite discouraged. He came up close behind me and I could feel his chest against my back. I moved my fingers from the trigger and felt his replace mine, his head literally on my shoulder. He aimed and pulled the trigger. It hit the center. He moved both hands to my waist afterwards and left them there.

"Gahh." I said, feeling shitty about my terrible aim.

"Hey don't beat yourself up," Ghoul replied. "It's not easy."

Everyday after that I pushed myself to my limit. Even when I wanted to die, I kept on living. Ghoul never seemed impressed with my improvements, and it made me want to improve even more. The last day of my training was one where I thought I would have failed in his mind but what happened was exactly what he was looking for.

I hit the target in the center twenty times in a row, and each time he yelled, "AGAIN."

Sweat poured down my face as I stood in the sun with a rifle in my hands. Ghoul sat on a lawn chair in the shade with a glass of ice water in his hand. One glance at the condensation building up on the outside of his glass as he sipped it sent me over the edge. I dropped the gun and stormed over to where he sat. I knocked the glass out of his hands. He wasn't shocked. Ghoul just stared up at my sweaty face and waited for me to start yelling.

"I just fucking shot the middle of that target twenty times with that rifle and before that twenty times with that god damn pistol and twenty times with that ray gun and twenty times sniping from the mother fucking roof and if you tell me AGAIN one more time I'm going to beat the shit out of you." I hissed the last part through my teeth, my heart pounding.

A smile twitched up on Ghoul's lips. He began to laugh at me. "You passed."

"What?" I asked, pissed off.

My chest was heaving from my rage.

"You're done obeying commands and showing independence. That's what I've been waiting for this whole time." He stated and stood up from the faded rainbow lawnchair. "I think this calls for a celebration."

We picked up our set up and walked into the coolness of the inn. I sat at the kitchen table and wiped sweat off of my forehead. I couldn't imagine what kind of celebration he had in mind. I was still a bit peeved.

"Celebration?" I asked.

"Yeah," He handed me a glass of water. "How 'bout a party? You could socialize with other people. Make friends. Get drunk. Wake up to polaroids of embarrassing things you did."

I laughed. "Getting drunk doesn't seem fun."

"The aftermath isn't. But then again the aftermath is secondary." He smiled at me and I smiled back.

That night as I laid in the dark and started into nothingness, I thought about my life here. It was better than the city, but I didn't know where it would lead from here. I was a Killjoy now, living in anarchy. I had built up muscle and gained new skills. I had killed Dracs, something I really didn't know I was capable of. My mind was sharper, and I could live without their antidepressants. Best of all, I had Ghoul and I liked him a lot. He was my only friend, really. Besides Skele who treated me well. In that moment I did a spontaneous thing.

"Ghoul?" I whispered into the darkness.

"Yeah?" He answered back.

"What would you do if I told you that I liked you more than the others?" My confidence was outstanding.

"Well, what do you mean by that?" Ghoul asked and I could feel him turn to me.

"I mean, you're the coolest motherfucker I have ever met. Plus when I first met you I had a raging crush on you." I admitted

He laughed at me. "Do you still have this raging crush on me?"

I shrugged. "Maybe. I don't know what I'm feeling right now."

We sat in silence and the anxiety finally set in. What the fuck was I doing? I had probably just ruined our friendship. I wanted to tell him that I was kidding but how the hell could I say that? As I was about to try to say something, I realized the reason why it was so quiet was because he had fallen asleep. He probably hadn't even heard what I had said to him or would remember it when he woke up twenty minutes later. I sighed with relief and eventually fell into a deep sleep.


	6. The Last of All The Rides We Take

I was woken at 11 AM which wasn’t a normal time for me to wake up. I was used to getting up at 7, the time they always woke us up at in the city. Ghoul was already dressed and shaking my shoulder. I was embarrassed that I had slept so long. I rushed to the bathroom to take a cold shower. I shivered as the cold water hit my skin and scrubbed soap into my gross hair.

All I could think about was how nervous I was. I was afraid Ghoul would still remember all of the things I had said last night and totally abandon me during this party. I was also afraid that the people I met would hate me. All of the people I had encountered during my stay used lingo I didn’t understand and laughed at me when I asked them what I meant. I went over the words in my head that I knew. They sounded like a foreign language.

Route Guano/The Getaway Mile - Main road in the desert

Flies - Small surveillance cameras used in Zones 1-3.

Shiny - Something cool or awesome

Ghosted/Ghost/Dusted/Dust - Dead

Vampires - Draculoids

Carbons - Currency

Overwhelmed, I stepped out of the small shower and dried off. I looked into the old mirror. That small, shy girl was still there looking back at me. Despite all of my training and the muscle I had gained, I was the same as the first day I had locked eyes with Ghoul. I had an almost flat chest and my eyes were a sad sea foam green. They were nothing like the dazzling forest green eyes that Ghoul had. I found myself suddenly extremely self conscious.

I made sure I was alone in the room before I grabbed my clothes and rushed to the safety of the bathroom to get dressed. I tried to brush the tangles out of my wet hair, but failed miserably. I gave up and went to get myself something to eat, my bare feet making the old wood floor creak.

There was laughter from the entertainment room and Ghoul was standing in the kitchen counting beers. Kobra walked in from collecting firewood into a large pile outside. Even he had a slight smile on his face. Everyone was cheerful today.

Poison walked into the kitchen with a beer in hand.

“That's where the other one went! What the fuck Poison?! You get to go out and buy more for tonight including the vodka that ‘went missing’ “ Ghoul made air quotations with his fingers.

Poison laughed and grabbed the keys to the Trans Am off of the kitchen counter. “Will do.”

“Hey no drinking and driving!” Kobra yelled after him, making them both laugh and Ghoul smile.

Ghoul noticed that I was standing to the side, just observing them and made small talk to include me.

“How does it feel to be one of us now?” He asked, leaning against the counter.

“One of you?” I asked, confused.

“You know, like part of our little clan.” Ghoul offered me a beer to which I declined.

Jet walked in at that moment. “You mean part of our coven?”

Ghoul laughed. “We aren’t a bunch of witches.”

Kobra spoke up. “What you mean is part of our family. And I won’t ever consider her family.”

It went quiet in the room and the good vibes were ruined. I could feel a heavy weight in my chest. I left the kitchen and wandered down the hallway aimlessly until I hit the end. There was a door with a sign that said PUSH and showed a picture of stairs. I decided to be rebellious and go exploring into the great beyond.

Once through the door, I did indeed find stairs. The air was musty and hot. It was dark and hard to see. I found a railing for the stairs and slowly climbed them until I hit another door labeled PUSH. I found myself staring at a long hallway like the one downstairs but vacant and stifling. There were cobwebs everywhere. I tried to avoid them as much as possible. The door to each room was opened revealing old mattresses and ugly furniture. Bored, I went back to the stairwell and went up another flight of stairs. This time, the door was labeled ROOF with another PUSH sign. I came out onto the roof of the inn. It was a bit blustery out, but still extremely hot. I stood at one end of the roof and looked out at the desert.

I wasn’t as hurt as I used to get because I was used to Kobra’s rejection, but I still felt like shit. He really loathed me even though I hadn’t done anything to him. These past few months I tried to completely avoid him but it was no use.

I looked down at the cracked pavement below me. I wondered what would happen if I jumped. It only had two stories but it was still a rather tall building. I shuffled closer to the edge to get a better look when I heard the roof door close. I swiveled around to see Ghoul approaching me.

“What are you doing?” He called out. “Please don’t jump. Bad idea.”

“I didn’t plan on it.” I replied and looked back towards the dusty landscape.

Ghoul sighed and stood by my side. “Hey. I know things suck now but I’m not gonna let anything bring me down because tonight is going to be perfect. I promise. So how about we just forget that Kobra can be a dick as much as we can?”

I shrugged and Ghoul sighed. “Just come with me to get everything ready and I’m sure you’ll cheer up.”

I followed him off of the roof and back into the kitchen. I prepared food with him and we shared the funniest jokes we knew.

“So a guy is telling his friend about how he decided to join the air force. He tells him about how they all had to jump off of the plane, and because of his fear of heights he went to the back of the line. Once he reached the front of the line he said to the huge, black flight instructor, ‘I don’t think I can do this’. The flight instructor says, ‘if you don’t jump off this plane I’m gonna shove my dick so far up your ass you won’t be able to walk tomorrow’. Then the guy stops telling his story. The friend asks, ‘Did you jump?’. The guy responds, ‘A little at first’.”

I laughed so hard that my stomach ached. “Where do you hear these?”

“From people I meet at parties I guess. Your turn.”

I couldn’t think of anything so I told him the stupidest one. “Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? It has good service but no atmosphere, hahaaaaa.”

He chuckled and shook his head. I could hear Jet giggling behind me. A smile spread across my face. At least I made them laugh.

Poison came in with more beer and a bottle of vodka and whisky.

“Where’s Kobra?” Poison asked.

“PMS mood swings.” Jet replied and laughed. “Fucking party pooper.”

“Has he always been like that?” I asked.

Poison nodded. “Always. Ever since he was a kid he’s been pretty stubborn.”

I was surprised by Poison’s response. “How long have you known each other?”

Poison smiled. “He’s my brother.”

“No shit!” I exclaimed. “You two don’t even look alike.”

“Must be the hair.” Poison said.

Ghoul chuckled. “By the way, your roots are showing.”

“Fuck you.” Poison laughed.

I tried to make myself look presentable before people started showing up. I pulled my hair to the side and began to braid the black and brown strands. My shaking hands fumbled and I had to start over at least three times. Ghoul came into the room and closed the door softly behind him. He sat on the bed next to me.

“Here, let me do it.” He took the hair from my hands and began to braid it.

“How do you know how to do that?”  I asked.

“My sister.” He answered.

“Is she still in the city?”

He was quiet a moment before he responded. “No. She died in the war.”

I was about to open my mouth to apologize but he continued to explain.

“After my parents divorced and my mom’s boyfriend moved in, I was in charge of taking care of my younger sister. When my mom’s boyfriend got drunk I promised to protect her. She was always scared. I was her big brother. When we got separated into camps during the war I lost track of her. When our camps were raided, we had no choice but to leave. I went to go find her but it was too late.” Ghoul choked out the last words. “I found her. Raped and murdered. She was only eight years old, you know.”

“I’m so sorry.” I whispered.

Ghoul finished the braid in my hair and tied it off with an elastic band. I turned around and wrapped my arms around him. He didn’t hug me back at first. I buried my face into his shoulder and breathed in his scent. He rested his hands on my back and pulled me in more for a tighter hug.

I never knew how my parents had died. But Ghoul had to witness it all. I finally understood why he had trouble sleeping at night. These things...they haunt us. They come up behind us when we least expect it so we have to stay awake to fight them. We fear of them totally dominating us and destroying who we are. We resort to many different things. Drugs, alcohol, self harm, and suicide. But in the end, we are the only ones that can create our demons and the only ones that can truly destroy them. Nothing else will for us. We can either stand up to them and win or hide behind masks. Your choice doesn’t make you a coward. But it also doesn’t make you a hero. That’s where I had gone wrong so many times.

I let go of Ghoul and he smiled sadly at me. Poison screamed something down the hall about getting our asses out there.

“Shall we go?” Ghoul asked.

I nodded and followed him down the hall.

As more and more people filled up our inn, my social anxiety increased. Ghoul finally told me to stop hiding in the kitchen and demanded me to socialize. I followed him through the maze of people and outside where Kobra had started the bonfire. People sat around it and chatted. Most of them had bright colored hair and quirky personalities. Some of them came over to shake my hand and introduce themselves. I made small conversation to ease the anxiety. Ghoul did most of the talking and brushed his hand against mine every so often to make sure I wasn’t freaking out.

After we had got done talking to a petite girl with blue hair, he told me to sit down on one of the chairs that were set up around the fire while he got me a drink. I had asked for water but he brought us back beers. I had never drank beer before but I heard it was awful.

I sipped the open bottle and made a face. It  _was_  awful. My second sip wasn’t as bad as the first, but it was still pretty goddamn bad. I wished I had a classy glass of wine but I assumed that wine was only meant for sophisticated parties and not bonfires such as this.

Ghoul took a seat next to me and we sat there in front of the warm fire for a long time. It had gotten a bit colder so the people had moved inside to get more drinks. We were alone. I looked up at the stars and smiled.

“I love how you can see all of the stars out here. In the city I could only see a few.” I said.

“Yeah, they’re pretty.” He responded.

We were quiet for awhile until the temperature dropped significantly and I shivered. I placed my empty beer bottle on the ground beside the chair.

“Fuck it’s really cold. We should head inside.” I said and stood up from my chair.

Ghoul stood up with me. “Wait.”

I turned to him. He placed both of his palms softly against my face and pressed his lips against mine. I was surprised at first, but finally relaxed and kissed him back. His lips were so soft and fit with mine like the missing piece in a puzzle. I placed my hands on the back of his neck and tangled them in his hair.

 _Finally,_  I thought to myself.

When he pulled away, I gained enough courage to pull him back to me. I felt slightly light headed. It was like all time had stopped as we stood there and he closed the gap between us. I didn’t mind the cold anymore.

When we finally both pulled away from each other, Ghoul held up the keys to the Trans Am.

“I stole these from Poison before I got us drinks. I told him there was some stuff I had to do. So, do you want to take a drive? I know it’s kinda late and all…” Ghoul trailed off mid sentence.

“Yeah. Yeah I...I can take a drive with you.” My stomach was still full of butterflies.

Ghoul and I climbed into the Trans Am. He slipped a tape into the tape player and pressed play. I grinned as Heroes by David Bowie played through the speakers. Ghoul drove fast down the Getaway Mile and I turned up Bowie’s song as loud as I could. Feeling totally courageous and crazy, I stood up. With the t-tops open, I could feel the wind rushing past me. I held on tight to the roof with one hand and reached out with my other hand to feel the air going by. I closed my eyes and thought about how this situation was just like something you would read out of one of those crazy teen books that hipsters quoted daily. And then in that moment, I just let go of every doubt and worry.

I kept one thing on my mind.

My name is Phoenix. I am a Killjoy. I love Ghoul. The Fabulous Four are my family. I’m not afraid anymore.


	7. When the Sunlight Dies Pt. 1

Ghoul pulled me into his room. We didn't end up getting drunk. The rush from our little excursion was enough. He kissed me softly. I ran my hands through his black hair and kissed him back. This went on until we were breathless. I closed my eyes and hoped that this would never end. His kisses didn't stop there. He pressed small kisses to my neck. He was cautious and made sure I was comfortable before doing anything new.

My fingers fell to the bottom of his shirt. I didn't know if it was okay. I pulled away and bit my lip. I assumed this was where our kisses were leading. He touched his forehead to mine.

"Don't worry about me. It's as long as you're okay with it. It's all about you right now, not me." He whispered.

I just nodded and proceeded to pull his shirt over his head. I slipped my shirt off as well and let it fall to the floor next to his, cold air rushing to meet my bare skin. Ghoul's hands ran down my back. He traced my spine with his fingertips as I ran my hands over his tattooed chest. I was so nervous. I was an awful kisser and I knew anything further than that would be mentally painful for the other person involved.

With the hum of the party as our soundtrack, we finished undressing. Ghoul laid me down on the bed. Before he went any further, I stopped him.

"I haven't done this before." I whispered nervously. It was technically true. I hoped this would excuse how awkward I was.

Ghoul caressed my cheek. "If anytime you feel too uncomfortable just let me know."

I nodded and took a deep breath, leaning back into the soft pillows. I felt him reach over to his side of the bed. I closed my eyes and listened to the world around me. I could hear the drunk laughter of the guys down the hall and myself breathing. Ghoul sighed softly. He pressed a kiss to my forehead. It had been a very long time since I was exposed to anything like this. I made sure to suppress the panic within me. I wanted to enjoy this. Ghoul was so loving and gentle.

I tried to control my breathing. The last time I felt this, I was being violated. I knew this was different, because Ghoul stopped as soon as he felt me flinch. He had barely even gotten close to doing the actual act.

"You alright?" He whispered in my ear.

"Yeah." I breathed. "Just jumpy."

He pressed his lips to my ear. I could feel his warm breath against my ear. It was a comforting feeling. I no longer felt like bugs were crawling under my skin.

It wasn't as slow and agonizing as I remembered. I wasn't in pain or scared. After the event, we laid there in silence and breathed. I then realized what I had done and I felt slightly guilty.

I had never been able to feel pleasure before. From being abused, I felt like my nerve endings were scorched and dead. I remembered hearing from one of those depressing women's articles that not many women experienced an orgasm from sex due to the part of the brain that stimulated pleasure. I didn't think I would ever feel it or that I would ever open up to anyone. Even watching suggestive scenes on tv in the past had me running to another room to panic. How could someone like Ghoul just take away that pain? Even if I wasn't feeling pleasure, I certainly wasn't feeling pain either.

Just as I was about to pass out from physical and emotional exhaustion, Ghoul pulled me into his warm arms. I laid my head against his chest and he kissed my hair. He pulled the blankets tight around us.

"I suppose you it's time I've revealed my real identity, Phoenix. I've got nothing to hide." Ghoul said.

"Oh?" I turn on my stomach and look at him.

"I was born Frank Anthony Iero. But you aren't allowed to call me that unfortunately. Not in the world we live in."

I smiled, happy that he trusted me enough to tell me his real name. "And I am Adelaide Nadalin Waters. But you aren't allowed to call me that."

Ghoul grinned. "What a beautiful name for such a beautiful girl."

I hummed happily at the compliment, too sleepy to actually respond. Ghoul chuckled. I nuzzled my nose into the crook of his neck, my lights dimming out. 

When I opened my eyes the next morning, sunlight was filtering in through the window of the room. Ghoul was sound asleep next to me, his hair fanned out across the pillows. I smiled at his sleeping face. I yawned, propping myself up on my arm before getting out of bed. I found Ghoul's Led Zeppelin shirt on the floor on the way to the bathroom and slipped it on. In the small bathroom, I looked in the cracked mirror at my appearance.

My seaglass green eyes stared back at me, foggy from waking up. My now tan skin, a large change from my once pale complexion, seemed radiant in the morning light. My black hair was a total mess. I couldn't imagine how I was going to begin to brush the tangles out from where Ghoul's fingers had been knotted in the previous night.

Memories of the previous night flashed through my mind. Images of Ghoul and I together made me smile. My body aches from the oh so new experience but it was pleasant despite the aches. The thought of doing something like that again put butterflies in my stomach. I wasn't as afraid anymore. I knew that not all people were bad.

With the creaking of floorboards, I knew Ghoul was up. In the mirror I watched him walk in. He put his arms around me and placed his head on my shoulder. His black hair was just as messy as mine. A sleepy smile spread its way across his lips. I couldn't help but smile back.

"Good morning." He said.

"Good morning to you, too." I replied.

"How do you feel?" Ghoul asked as he turned on the shower.

"A little like I got hit by three 18-wheelers, a mini van, and a smart car." I replied. "But other then that I'm actually really, really happy."

He laughed. "I feel about the same way minus the smart car."

I shut the bathroom door and locked it. I pulled off my shirt. It was then that I noticed he was watching me and I could feel my face turning pink. It was like in the Bible where the two dimwits find out they are naked and become embarrassed.

"You are absolutely beautiful." He breathed.

"And you are extremely handsome." I replied, a playful smile twitched up on my lips.

Ghoul cupped my face in his hands and leaned down to kiss me. His lips were warm against mine. I put my arms around him and deepened our kiss. Ghoul pulled away and planted a kiss on my forehead, my nose, and then my lips again. I was smiling like an idiot and he chuckled.

Ghoul brought his lips to my ear and whispered, "Your hair is greasy and I smell like sweat."

"That's sexy." I whispered back and laughed.

Ghoul tugged me towards the shower his hand applying light pressure on my back. He kept his eyes on me the whole way. Once in the shower, his mouth found mine. I tangled my hand in his dark hair, my other hand on his chest. His hands slid up and down my sides, feeling my lack of curve. I sighed and my grip on his hair tightened. The best thing was, I felt so comfortable with my body when I was with him. I used to think my skinny body made me like a prepubescent boy. There were no ugly thoughts or being self conscious. I felt beautiful.

After wasting enough water making out, we finally took a proper shower. I scrubbed shampoo into Ghoul's dark hair and got to see his light brown roots. As he washed the soap out of his hair, we argued about how much of a cutie he was. I won the argument after I kissed him on the mouth, not letting him say anymore.

Finally I got my turn at washing up. Afterwards we stepped out of the small shower and got dressed. We made the bed together and didn't stop smiling. Even as we sat at the table that morning eating breakfast with the three other Killjoys who had terrible hangovers, we giggled.

Finally Party Poison spoke up.

"Since I feel like shit, I volunteer Phoenix and Ghoul to go pick up our supplies this week."        

Ghoul looked at me and shrugged. "Alright."

Poison threw the keys to the Trans Am at Ghoul who almost didn't catch them. Jet stifled a laugh with his hand. Before I stepped out the door, I noticed Kobra giving me a dirty look. I had a strong feeling that he knew what had happened last night. I followed Ghoul into the sunlight, hoping that Kobra didn't tell everyone what he knew. I felt a little embarrassed.

In the Trans Am, Ghoul put a mixtape in labeled, '3'. The first song that came on was 'When You Were Young' by The Killers. I remembered it as the song we danced to when we were supposed to be cleaning, from the first week I stayed with them. Happy thoughts from the past came flooding back.

I mentioned it to Ghoul and he smiled. The way the sun came in the windows and illuminated his face made me feel infinite. The whole world was reflected in our sunglasses, and our troubled pasts in the rear view mirror. I was truly in love with Frank Anthony Iero.

When we got to the small marketplace, Ghoul kissed my cheek before leaving to go get a couple of things we needed. I leaned back in the red passenger seat. Smiling, I glanced in one of the mirrors. My smile faded once I saw a flash of black and white.

"Oh shit." I whispered and before I could grab my raygun I was being yanked out of my seat.

 struggled against the Drac arms but I was too late. A cloth was placed over my mouth and chloroform took me under.


	8. When the Sunlight Dies Pt. 2

I woke up in a white room, in a white hospital bed, in a white cloth that I guessed was supposed to serve as a hospital gown. An IV in my arm pumped a milky fluid in my veins. I felt so weak that I struggled to raise my hand.

I looked more at my surroundings. A large white door to my left kept me locked in. In each corner, a (you guessed it) white security camera was mounted. I was filled with anxiety. The more I struggled, I had the urge to vomit.

The door to my left opened and a tall man with a lab coat entered the room. He smiled at me and I immediately felt pissed off. It was as if he was mocking me.

"My name is Dr. Stockhill. All you have to do is answer a few questions for us and we will let you go." The doctor cleared his throat and smiled again. "Number one: Where are your Killjoys located?"

I stared at him and an awkward silence followed. His smile still remained.

"How about the next one? Number two: What are the real names of the Killjoys you've been staying with?" He looked up at me from his clipboard hopefully.

I stayed silent. My anger level was rising.

"Number three: What plans are the Killjoys making against Better Living Industries?"

Again, I didn't answer. The doctor's smile faded and he left the room. Just when I thought I had the room to myself, a bald man in an ugly, grey uniform entered. He looked angry. In his hand he carried a single piece of paper and a tack. I watched as he put the paper on the wall with the tack aggressively. The paper was a photograph of Ghoul. It was one used on the Exterminate posters.

The man grinned at my reaction. Although it wasn't really a grin, it was more of a sneer.

"You know him. I know you do. Is he your friend perhaps? Best friend?  _Lover_?" His voice was thick with an English accent.

I swallowed hard and clenched my jaw. I couldn't speak even if I wanted to. I felt like I had lost my voice.

"So he  _was_  important. I'll make sure to say hi to him for you when I see him." The man smiled and laughed.

Finally I gathered up enough courage. I used everything left in me.

"Where the fuck is he!?" I yelled across the room.

The man kept quiet and calm. "If I do remember, I'm the one asking the questions. If you answer one of mine I'll answer one of yours."

"What do you want to know?" I growled.

"Why you went missing 6 months ago."

"I ran away. There. I answered a question." I replied.

The man shook his head. "I guess it's only fair. We don't have your lover in custody. We don't know where his is, that's why we are asking you. You can tell us or you stay here until we make you."

"He'll come for me. I know he will." I said in a low voice.

The man laughed. "Good luck with that thought."

He left the room. Ghoul's face stared at me from across the room.

"I'm so sorry." I whispered to the picture.

Later on, a woman in a lab coat came to inform me my first form of torture would be in exactly five minutes. I couldn't imagine what they would do to me.

Four doctors and the bald man came back to my room wheeling a steel cart with syringes.

"Now," the man began. "We will inject this into your neck. You're going to feel like your insides are on fire. It won't kill you, of course but we won't stop until we get an answer. Alright? Alright."

I was so weak from the milky fluid in my veins that it was easy for them to tilt my neck and jab the syringe in it. I whimpered at the sudden pain of the needle. Almost instantly I was screaming in pain from whatever was injected into me. It felt like fire and acid eating away at my heart and organs. I could feel it in every finger and toe.

"If you tell us where they are, we will make the pain stop." The bald man yelled over me.

I still refused and another syringe was jabbed into my neck. I screamed and screamed until I lost my voice. After the fourth syringe, they gave up. I was left alone in my small white room with tears streaming down my face. A small voice inside of me begged me to keep holding on and that Ghoul was going to save me.

 _I hope you're right,_  I thought.

The next morning I was woken up early by more doctors. They had another plan in mind. A form of electroshock. They turned up the voltage until I almost died. I still refused to give them anything about Ghoul. I wasn't limited to one torture per day, however. Their second plan was to try a form of truth serum. It was not at all effective. 

While I was laying in bed wondering if they had any new plans, the man with the bald head returned.

"We have made a decision. If you don't give us any answers we will have you executed by tomorrow night. You haven't proved to be of any use." He walked out and slammed the door before I could ask any questions.

No one came to visit me except to escort me to the bathroom. That was the only time I had a chance to escape, but I couldn't. I was so weak that I couldn't move without a wheel chair. Now it was just a waiting game. I knew Ghoul wasn't going to come save me and I began to question whether he really loved me. Each time I doubted, I remembered him telling me in soft whispers, his warm breath on my cheek. I thought about him until I fell asleep with my cheeks wet with tears.

The next day I was met by the same doctors and the man who I now knew as Korse. They asked again if I would tell them where the Killjoys were. I stayed silent. All of the doctors left the room except a small redhead.

"Is this worth losing your life over?" She asked me quietly.

I nodded. "They are the only people I've ever had."

"Well...you have us." She replied and smiled.

I was extremely angry and wanted to scream in frustration. She didn't push me any further. Instead, she left quietly with that stupid smile still on her face.

They came in at least a dozen times that day. The last time, only Korse entered.

"It's 5 PM. You're execution is for 7 PM. Do you still believe that they will save you?" He laughed.

I didn't speak. He came up close to my face. He smelled sterile.

"You are a stupid bitch." He hissed.

I spit in his face. He hit me hard across the face. I could taste blood on my lips and my face stung. He left and slammed the door so hard that the metal almost vibrated.

I ran a finger across my bloody lips and pressed a cool hand on my burning face. When I pulled it away, I noticed blood. His fingernails had scratched my face. I burst into tears like a small child. I put my head between my knees. I felt the milky fluid returning to my body. It was time to lay down flat for my remaining hours and stare at the ceiling.

The door opened again and my head snapped up. I assumed it would be another doctor but standing there in the door way was Ghoul. He slipped his smoking raygun into its holster and shut the door.

I tried to get out of bed but I just fell to the cold floor, my legs unable to hold me. Ghoul helped me back up onto the bed and began removing the IV from my arm. I was absolutely disgusted so I kept my eyes on his face.

After he had the IV out, he looked up at me. His green eyes were dark.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, tears blurring my vision.

"Why are you sorry?" He asked.

"Because this is my fault." I replied, my bottom lip trembling.

Ghoul took my face in his rough hands and placed his lips softly on mine before wiping away my tears.

"Why are you bleeding?" He asked and dabbed at my face with the white sheets on the bed.

"Korse hit me. Bald man, ugly suit." I explained. "My execution was supposed to be today."

Ghoul helped me up and held me close. We shuffled towards the door. I felt like I had pins and needles in my feet.

"We need to move faster." Ghoul said.

I tried to move as fast as I could. I limped past dead bodies. The redheaded doctor lay on the floor, her curly hair covering her face. I felt a bit sad for her. Poor girl.

"So what are we gonna do when we get out of here?" I asked Ghoul.

"I think I'm going to spend the rest of my life with you." He answered.

I smiled. "I don't know what other choices we have anyway."

It made me feel good to know he still cared for me. I felt hopeful.

We walked towards the elevator in silence. Ghoul pressed the button and we waited. Thankfully, it was empty.

I untangled myself from Ghoul, finding strength in my legs. He laced his fingers with mine.

"Ghoul?"

"Yes Phoenix?"

"I think I have fallen deeply in love with you."

He took me in his arms and kissed me passionately. I pressed my body against his, closing the gap between us. He slipped his tongue into my mouth and his hands under my shirt. As the elevator door opened, he slammed his hand on the button to shut it once more. I kissed him until I was out of breath and placed my forehead against his. We stole small kisses from each other until finally Ghoul pulled away.

"We can continue at home." He said and winked at me.

I blushed and giggled.

Ghoul reached behind his neck and took off his silver necklace. He always had it on. He put it around my neck and kissed my forehead.

"In case I don't make it tonight." He said softly.

"Don't think like that. We will make it out together."

He smiled sadly and pushed the elevator button.

When the door opened, I saw the rest of the Killjoys shooting at Dracs. The sound of lasers echoed off of the walls. Ghoul and I hid behind an overturned desk. Ghoul slipped his gun out of its holster and pulled another one out from another holster. He handed me the gun. I recognized it as my gun. The one I had earned from my first Drac kill. It was painted a bright orange with a few chips in the paint.

We joined the other Killjoys in fighting. I was a terrible aim from barely any practice. Ghoul's body count was rising to 20. I was almost jealous. I would ask him to share his secrets when we were safe and sound.

When the overturned desk proved to be a terrible sort of cover, we had to run and search for another sort of hiding spot. I followed behind Ghoul who was swiftly moving towards the service counter until our path was blocked. We were stuck out in the open.

Ghoul and I fought back to back. With one hand I held my gun and the other I held his hand. I was frightened as I shot at the masked men.

"Poison said he called backup!" Ghoul shouted at me.

I squeezed his hand in reply.

From the corner of my eye I could see Korse and two other Dracs step out of the elevator. Korse looked annoyed. He stepped up to Poison who was too distracted to notice. I screamed Poison's name. He whipped around too late.

Korse's hands found Poison's neck and forced him against a wall. I shot at Korse. One of my beams grazed his shoulder but it didn't phase him. Korse slid his gun under Poison's chin and squeezed the trigger. I screamed.

 _No_.

Poison slid from Korse's grip, leaving a smear of red on the white walls. I wanted to puke as Korse grinned. I squeezed Ghoul's hand so hard that I was probably cutting off circulation.

Next to us, Kobra was distracted by Poison. I had almost forgotten that Poison was Kobra's brother. This was the first time I had seen Kobra break out of his poker face. He was shot twice in the chest and he fell to the ground.

To our right, Jet was attempting to leave. We followed suit. Ghoul pushed me out of the building and shut the door behind him. I screamed and screamed, slamming my hands on the glass. He turned around and screamed GO and slammed his fist hard on the glass.

Sobbing, I slowly backed away from the door. Behind me cars and vans were arriving. Our backup came too late. I waited for Ghoul as Killjoys pushed past me. Finally, I saw him running towards me.

"Ghoul!" I screamed.

He opened his mouth to speak but stopped abruptly and he fell to the pavement. I screamed his name once more and pushed past people to get to him.

I took him into my arms. He had been shot in the stomach.

"It's going to be okay. You're okay, I promise." I said to him as I ripped off a part of my gown to stop the bleeding.

He smiled at me. "I'm not going to be okay, I promise."

"You aren't going to leave me. I'm going to get help, okay?"

He chuckled and sighed. "When you're old with grey hair I want you to save a glass of iced tea for me, okay?"

He began coughing. His lips were red with blood.

Ghoul smiled sadly at me. "I love you, you know."

Before I could tell him that I loved him too, his eyes shut and he went limp in my arms.

"No. No. You can't die on me! You promised me! Ghoul!" I screamed.

Arms were pulling me away from his body. I kept screaming. I was dragged into a colorful van. I could see Ghoul still laying on the pavement, motionless. I kept screaming. I never stopped screaming.


	9. Salute the Dead

I don't remember the ride in the van or how I got on the couch in Dr. Death Defying's hideout. I woke up confused and with a migraine headache. My stomach was churning. I felt like I was going to puke all over the ripped, red couch.

  
I sat up slowly and looked at my surroundings. A few feet away Dr. Death Defying was doing his daily reports on the weather over the air. His eyes turned and met mine for a split second before he turned away to finish his report. There was another couch across from me that was just as torn up as the one I had slept on. To the left of that there were two doors and a cooler.

  
Dr. D put a single on a player and pressed a button. A small click was heard before the song began to play. He rolled over to me using a controller on his wheelchair and held out his hand.  
          
“Dr. Death Defying. Or just call me Dr. D or D. Doesn’t matter. The dirty minded laugh at that bit.”

He expected me to laugh but I sat there staring at him, waiting for an explanation of how the fuck I got there in the first place.

“Alright then.” He dropped his hand back to the armrest on his electric wheelchair. “Ol’ Show Pony will be here soon to explain to you the deets of what went on last night if you forgot. Somethin’ tells me that stuff we used to calm you down wasn’t so kind on your mind. But anyways God bless your broken soul. Well that is if you believe in one.”

He sighed sadly and wheeled over to one of the doors pointing out his room where the bathroom would be and the cooler where all of the food and drinks were stored. Two small fans in each corner of the room blew around the hot air. He had a personal fan sitting at his recording table which didn’t seem to be helping him much.

  
I tried to sort through the memories in my brain. Everything seemed like a dream. What I really wanted to know was where Ghoul and the others were. Did something happen? Did Poison decide to kick me out after finding out from Kobra that Ghoul and I did the nasty twice? Fuck. I couldn’t remember.

  
The door to the outside opened, letting in bright sunlight. I squinted, my head throbbing even more. In came a guy in tights and a crop top on rollarskates. He pulled off a blue helmet and smiled at Dr. D.

“Dracs on 43 were ghosted. No Killjoy deaths.” He said and Dr. D wheeled over to his recording desk where he informed the listeners that all Dracs on 43 were ghosted and there were no other casualties.

Show Pony smiled at me, "Sleeping Beauty has awoken from her slumber. I suppose you’ll want a mind refresher because you look pretty damn confused.”

He skated over to the couch and sat beside me. He put his helmet on the arm of the couch and began filling me in on what I had forgotten.

“So from what I’m hearing you were kidnapped by BLI. The Killjoys came to save you but the fight was pretty brutal and uh…” His voice got quiet and he looked down at his thighs. “They didn’t make it out alive. We didn’t have time to reclaim their bodies but we stole some things out of their pockets and their guns.”

Show Pony reached over to a small wooden table next to him. He handed me a small sandwich bag filled with trinkets. “These were Ghoul’s.”

Shaking, I took the bag from him and opened it. It was mostly just keys. Except for one thing. It was a polaroid of us from one of the days we took a road trip to the cliffs overlooking a small body of water. You could see our smiling faces clad with sunglasses and a dark blue stretching on behind us. My lips began to tremble and I felt sick to my stomach. The world around me was spinning as my head exploded with each throb of my headache. I tried to explain to Pony that I needed to think things over but I couldn’t speak correctly and each syllable seemed wrong on my tongue. Show Pony seemed to understand anyway and nodded as I took the polaroid with me to the bathroom. I shut and locked the door before looking at myself in the mirror.

  
There staring back at me, was a girl with the same gown on from the night before with a huge jacket on my shoulders. I noticed a bit of rust colored stain on the gown and slipped off the brown leather jacket upon my shoulders. My gown was covered in blood.  _His_  blood. Once it registered in my brain, I tore off the medical gown and stood there practically naked in front of the small mirror. I sobbed as I stared the ugly girl in the mirror and realized that I was alone. So alone.

  
I slid to the cold bathroom floor, hugging my knees to my chest. There was a terrible stabbing pain in my chest as I remembered the way he kissed me before we left the elevator. I reached up and took the pendant of his necklace between my shaking fingers. I pressed it against my lips and squeezed my eyes shut as tears ran down my cheeks. The polaroid sat beside me on the floor.

  
Finally, there was a knock on the door. It was Pony asking if I was alright. I explained to him that I needed a change of clothes. He brought me some things that were way too big for me but they would have to do until I got back to the inn. I curled up on the same couch that I had woken up on and refused food and water until midnight. I took a few sips of water and tried to fall asleep.

  
I woke up in a sweat from nightmares and threw the old blanket I had wrapped up in onto the floor. My mind was screaming with agony from my headache that still hadn’t disappeared. I muttered how much I wanted to die into the fabric of the couch while Dr. D broadcasted S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W body counts over the air to motorbabies and dust angels traveling at night.

  
I couldn’t stop thinking about how it was all my fault. If I hadn’t left him...or if I had gotten help quicker...or if I had stopped the bleeding…it all circled my mind. I tried to make it all go away by focusing on the sounds of Dr. D’s slight accent. I had an idea.

  
I pulled myself up from my space on the couch and shuffled over to Dr. D. He looked up at me, still talking.

“Play Heroes by David Bowie. I want to dedicated to Ghoul.” I whispered to him.

He smiled slightly. “And the next song goes out to the memory of Fun Ghoul from the Fabulous Four.”

Dr. D reached over to search through some tapes and found the single for Heroes. He popped it in the tape player and pressed play. As the sounds of Heroes filled the room, tears filled my eyes. I smiled sadly.

“Thank you.” I whispered.

I wasn’t just thanking Dr. Death Defying for playing the song that brought back such great memories. I was thanking Ghoul for saving me that day. I was thanking the stars for bringing us together, even if it was only a short period of time.


	10. This Ain't A Room Full Of Suicides

The reality of my situation hit me a few days later, crushing me like a boulder. We took a trip to the inn so I could get some of my clothes. They wouldn't let me live alone due to my scarred and depressed state. I kind of didn't blame them. Living in an empty place with so many memories would drive me nuts. They promised me that it would stay protected until we could make further plans but I was still so afraid that it might be broken into or destroyed.

Dr. D and Show Pony hung out in the kitchen while I went to what used to be Ghoul's room. As soon as I opened the door, I was overwhelmed by his scent and all of his belongings. Even the pair of jeans slung over his desk chair made my heart ache. I tried to suppress my feelings and focus on my task. I walked into the tiny bathroom and took the small bottle out of the cabinet, putting it in a black backpack. I opened the closet and stole out my Pink Floyd shirt from before the war and my converse. I also took two of Ghoul's shirts to keep with me. I stuffed only two pairs of jeans in the bag and zipped it up. Then I noticed something.

Ghoul had two pairs of boots. One pair was extremely old and very valuable to him. He rarely wore that pair to preserve them. The other was a newer pair that he hadn't really broken in yet but he wore daily. The pair he wore when he came to get me was his favorite pair. I couldn't decipher if he wore them hoping for good luck or because he really knew that he wouldn't survive the fight and wanted to die in his favorite boots. Either reason made me emotional.

I stopped before leaving the room to turn back and take one last glance. I could almost hear his laughter and see him looking up at me from his work at his desk. I was leaving behind so many memories that it made somewhere inside of my chest ache terribly.

"Goodbye." I whispered to his ghost.

I found myself saying goodbye once more when I visited the cliffs overlooking the small body of water. I ripped off heavy articles of clothing and my shoes. There I stood in my underwear and a tank top, staring at the drop-off at the tips of my toes. I took one more look and gathered up courage to walk back and get a running start. In the moment before I leaped I didn't think about what I was doing or how I felt. I let go completely.

The free fall caught me off guard. It wasn't so pleasant and hitting the water hurt. I was sinking deeper into the depths and the rays of light from the surface began to dim. Bubbles floated above me and towards the light from above. I closed my eyes for a moment and realized that drowning wasn't as easy as I had thought. I found myself above the surface and taking deep breaths. What a terrible idea.

I had to walk back to Dr. D's hideout dripping wet. He was extremely busy today and Show Pony was off doing whatever he liked to do so I was left from being asked questions about my little dip in the water.

As soon as I had gotten changed and took my usual place on the couch, a girl with short blonde hair walked in through the door. Her blue eyes met mine and she smiled slightly. She introduced herself as Rocket. Just Rocket. She was there the night they had dragged me half unconscious into Dr. D's van. She asked how I knew Ghoul. The room went silent. I could barely speak.

"I loved him." I choked out.

"I'm sorry." Rocket whispered and took my clammy hand in hers. "We've all lost a friend or two to the monsters."

Rocket came back everyday. Sometimes we talked a little and sometimes we just sat there and listened to Dr. D's broadcasts. That's what I liked about Rocket. She didn't mind if I didn't want to talk. She sat there and stayed with me anyway. I liked to hear about her first days in the desert and trying to fit in. Many of the stories were quite funny and I'm sure if I wasn't so sad I would have smiled. I tried to stay alive for her. I tried.

The day things changed was the 18th of July. I had woken up early from nightmares and tried to sleep in to replace the missing hours. When I had finally awoken from my long slumber, I came to a realization. No matter how much sleep I got, I was still tired. I was tired of waking up. I was tired of talking. I was tired of lying there in pain. I was tired.

I sat on the bathroom floor with a bottle of painkillers I had found in the bathroom cabinet. I stuffed pill after pill down my throat, trying not to puke. I attempted to pull myself to my feet to look at the mess I had become. The world around me spun and I lost my balance. I fell, hitting my head on the counter on my way down. I could faintly hear the sound of Where is My Mind by Pixies playing in the other room. It was too loud for Dr. D to have heard me hit the floor.

I could see Ghoul standing above me, gazing down sadly. There were so many things I wanted to say to him. But I could only choke out one thing.

"Take me with you."

I couldn't hear his words, but I knew the word he mouthed to me.

_No._

I could hear faint yelling somewhere around me. Crashes and bangs. Shattering.

Cold water brought me back. Fingers were shoved down my throat. Rocket's cries filled my ears. I gasped for air as I puked up a good amount of the contents of my stomach. My throat burned and I sobbed.

"I've got you, love." Rocket whispered in my ear and held me close to her.

 

I stared up at the ceiling from my place on the couch. My stomach and throat hurt from the intrusion of the tube that they had used to pump the pills out of my system before the chemicals killed me. My little rendezvous with the pills made them all lose trust in me. I wasn't allowed to go to the bathroom without an escort and I certainly wasn't allowed alone. My chance of going back to the motel was slim. It all changed one night when Rocket sat with me and told me her life story.

She laced her warm fingers with mine and smiled sadly.

"We all lose people we love and things we cherish." She said quietly. "My mother died when I was born. I never really knew her. Sometimes I imagined what it would be like to hold her hand and to feel the warmth of her hugs. My dad was sad for a long time. I'm sure he still is."

"I'm sorry." I whispered. "I lost my parents in the war."

She gripped my hand tightly. Show Pony came in from the sunny outdoors and joined our conversation.

"We've all lost someone." He added and threw his helmet on the empty chair across from us.

I watched the helmet roll off the chair and onto the floor, leaving a small chip in the paint. Pony growled in anger and retrieved his helmet. At the same moment, there was a loud knock on the door. Dr. Death Defying motioned for one of us to open the door. Pony brushed his hair out of his face and unlocked the door.

Behind the door stood a man with short, gelled dirty-blonde hair and blue eyes. He glanced at me for a quick moment and then walked past Show Pony to speak to Dr. D. My heart stopped when he spoke.

"I'm going to just cut to the chase. BLI has revived the Killjoys and is using them to their advantage. I think with a little luck we might be able to get them back on our side."

Show Pony spoke next, "Are you fucking crazy? We can't just go in there. Do you not remember how many we lost?"

"We have someone on the inside who is awake and willing to help. Someone who happens to be one of the Fabulous Four." The man said. "Jet Star."

Rocket gripped my hand tighter. "How can we trust you, Cola? Last time we trusted you, you gave us away to the Dracs."

Even though I knew that I couldn't really trust him, I wanted to believe that Ghoul was still alive. That one thought made me side with him. I was willing to risk my life to save the Killjoys.

"What's the plan?" I asked.

"There is no plan." Show Pony responded. "We aren't going anywhere."

Cola ignored him. "Jet Star is going to have us play as captured Killjoys until we get inside."

"I'm in." I said.

We had a large argument about it but I stayed strong. It was important to me to see Ghoul again. Show Pony gave up and stormed out of the room, angry. Dr. D sighed and went back to organizing his playlists for the day. Rocket wouldn't look at me.

The man with the plan had the name of Cherri Cola but mostly everyone called him Cola. He explained to me what we would do once we were inside the HQ. My strength from earlier had begun to disappear. I felt self doubt and anxiety overcome me. I hid a borrowed raygun under my shirt and hit the road with Cola. It would be a long drive to the HQ, one that I wasn't sure that I was exactly ready for.


	11. Drop the Knife

My heart pounded in my chest as we approached the tunnel entrance to Battery City. A Drac came to meet us at our car. He removed his mask. Behind the mask was Jet Star. I could feel tears welling up in my eyes, but I held them back and slid into the backseat of a Drac car. The car was cool and smelt sterile, reminding me of my days spent in my room in Battery City.

Jet Star said nothing to me at first. I thought Cola was coming with us, but Jet told him to send more Killjoys in an hour. I assumed that Jet had really betrayed us and turned me in. I slammed my fists on the window and screamed at Cola. He couldn't hear me as he drove away.

"So you're going to turn me in now?" I asked.

"Why in the hell would I do that?" Jet responded.

"Then why is Cola leaving? We were supposed to be in this together." I yelled.

Jet sighed. "Calm the fuck down, first of all. I'm sending you to get Ghoul. The rest of them will be a little more difficult. They are controlled by chips on the back of their necks. The only way to save them is the removal of the chips."

We had to go through several checkpoints before we were allowed into the city. I clenched and unclenched my hands and stared at all of the tall, chrome buildings. Moving ads on the buildings advertised their medication with phrases like, "Be Happy" and "Live Life In the Fast Lane". We drove over a small bridge and parked in front of the HQ. Before I could open the door, Jet swung it open and yanked me out. He tied my hands behind my back and I did not struggle, remembering the plan.

It found it extremely hard to balance trying to walk across the pavement where I had held Ghoul in my arms a month before. Jet pulled his mask back on and showed the Dracs at the door his ID. They stared at me and took notice of how obedient I was. Walking into the reception area, memories flashed through my head. I remembered the white floor with the BLI logo in the center smeared with the blood of Killjoys and Dracs alike. I felt sick to my stomach.

"May I help you?"

A grinning, Japanese reception lady looked up at us from an organized desk. She held a silver pen in her hand with another BLI phrase printed on it. I could almost see my reflection in her straight, white teeth. Her perfect ponytail swung slightly when she moved.

"Here to bring in a captured bandit." Jet said in a monotone voice.

"Good! I'll sign you in." She said in a way too bubbly voice, her pen moving as she wrote down a name on a chart.

Jet guided me past her to an elevator that I remembered from the time I was with Ghoul. We stood in the quiet elevator, a funny feeling in my stomach coming when the elevator shot upwards. Out of the corner of my eye, a small camera watched our every move. I glared at it and narrowed my eyes as the door to the elevator slid open.

Jet pushed me out of the elevator and I stumbled, almost falling on my ass. He caught me before I fell. His gloved hand reached for an office door and opened it before pushing me again into the darkness. A light flickered on to reveal a long, glass table surrounded by black chairs. Computer screens printed with the BLI logo filled the room. Jet checked the room for bots and cameras before pulling off his mask and untying my hands.

"Take the elevator up to the 64th floor. Take a right and go straight until you come to the last door on your left. Good luck." Jet ran out of the room and slammed the door before I could ask any questions.

I took a deep breath before opening the door and going to the elevator again. I waited for the elevator doors to open. A young woman with blonde hair in a bun smiled at me politely before I stepped in. We sat in silence until she got to her floor and stepped out.

Before the doors closed she looked at me and said, "I know you."

I slammed my hand on the 64 button several times, my heart racing. The elevator moved upwards. It felt like an eternity before the doors opened again revealing a dim hall. When I saw the posters covering the walls, my racing heart stopped in my chest. Huge posters featured pictures of Killjoys with black and red words screaming  **EXTERMINATE.** I approached the posters and ran my finger over the black and white photo of my face. My eyes were covered with a large X. It had been taken at the time that I had been captured. I was angry.

I screamed in frustration and ripped my poster down from the wall. I mumbled curses under my breath. When I had calmed down, I shuffled down the hallway to the only room with a light on; my destination. Halfway down the hall, I tripped over my boot laces and fell on my face. My badass stride was ruined. My nose made a disgusting noise as it hit the floor. Blood poured down my face, tasting like pennies on my lips. I tested my nose gently with my fingers. It wasn't broken, but it hurt like a bitch. I picked myself up and wiped my drops of blood off the white floor. I had accidentally fucked up their sterile atmosphere.

The door at the end of the hall was open. The room was lit by many computer screens a small swivel chair sat in the middle of all of the screens. It was empty. In a split second, I was dragged into the room and the door was slammed shut. A masked man slammed me against a wall, his fingers around my neck. I struggled and ripped off his mask. I knew those forest green eyes anywhere. His dark hair was shorter than I remembered, barely touching his shoulders now. Anger replaced his usual smile.

Tears blurred my eyes. I whispered his name. His real name. His anger turned into confusion and an idea popped into my head. My hand flailed towards his neck and I grabbed hold of something cold and rectangular. I pulled as hard as I could. Ghoul's eyes went wide and he fell backwards. I slid to the floor, frightened.

The chip in my hand was bigger than I thought. Wires and metal legs protruded from it. I couldn't imagine living with such a disgusting device on my neck.

I threw it on the ground beside me and crawled over to Ghoul. I took his unconscious body in my arms. I pushed his dark hair out of his eyes and kissed his forehead softly. In that moment, I didn't care that I had blood from my nose smeared all over my face and my eyes made me look like I had been smoking blunt after blunt. He was here with me, finally. Maybe, just maybe there was a future. And if we did die, we would die together.

A few moments later, his eyes were open again. I held my breath and watched him cautiously. He looked around the room frantically until his eyes locked on mine. He raised a hand to touch my face softly.

"What happened to your nose, love?" He whispered.

We both got up from the floor. I didn't answer him. When my brain finally processed what was happening, I grabbed his face in my hands and kissed him. He put both of his hands on my waist and held me close to him. I moved my hands into his hair, tugging lightly. We kissed passionately until a voice over the intercom interrupted us.

"All staff members please evacuate the building in a calm and orderly manner. Thank you."

Ghoul pulled away from me and grabbed my hand.

"I guess this is our queue to get the hell out of here. What's the plan?" He asked.

I shrugged. "I was told to come get you. That's all I know. Jet was awake and he sent news to Cola. Cola came and found me."

"Where did you stay? What even happened?" He asked.

I was getting antsy. "I'll explain later, okay?"

He nodded. "Follow me, I guess."

I kept my hand in his and we ventured down the long hallway. I didn't point out that my nose was bloody due to me being an idiot. We stayed silent most of the time, listening for Dracs or S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W. We took the elevator down to the reception area. I felt slight deja vu. It reminded me of the night Ghoul has saved me.

Once again, a fight had been started. Instead of staying to fight I held on tightly to Ghoul and dragged him outside. More Killjoys had already arrived. We scanned the crowd for the others. I spotted Jet peeking over colorful heads. Just as I reached up to point him out to Ghoul, I saw Korse in the corner of my eye. Ghoul left me to get Jet. Korse looked straight at me. We locked eyes. A devilish grin spread across his face and before I knew it, a pistol bullet was in my right shoulder. The force threw me to the ground. I picked myself up before I felt the searing pain throughout my arm and chest. I grabbed at my shoulder, looking for Ghoul and Jet. I saw all of the Killjoys coming towards me, not aware of what just happened.

Despite the pain, I dragged myself along. I ran through alleyways with them. My jacket concealed my wound. We came out upon an empty street except for the good ol Trans Am. To this day, I'm not sure how I ran for that length of time with a bullet in my shoulder. But I did it. I slid into the backseat of the Trans Am between Jet and Ghoul.

Taking my hand away from my wound, I saw it was covered in blood.

"You're hurt?" Ghoul asked, staring at my hand.

He moved my jacket out of the way. Blood gushed from my shoulder. When I saw how bad it truly was, it seemed to hurt more. Tears came to my eyes.

"Shit." Ghoul said.

He removed his white shirt and pressed it to my wound, trying to slow the bleeding.

"That ain't a raygun wound." Jet commented. "There would be burns around the area."

Ghoul pulled me close to him while still applying pressure to my wounded shoulder. He stroked my hair.

"Hold on, love. We are almost home." He said quietly.

I whimpered in response, barely conscious. It began to pour. The sound of raindrops hitting the car filled the silence. I dug my fingernails into Ghoul's arm every time the pain almost took me under. He winced. I couldn't apologize because of the agony.

Once back at the inn, Ghoul slid out of the car. I attempted to get out by myself but he refused. He lifted me up in his arms and held me to his chest. Ghoul ran through the rain to our little piece of paradise. He laid me down on the couch. I watched as Poison rummaged through a drawer next to the couch. He pulled out a pocket knife. Kobra ran into the other room to grab supplies. Ghoul used the knife that Poison gave him to cut off my shirt and remove my jacket. I was in too much pain to feel embarrassed about my semi-flat chest.

I don't remember much of what happened after that. They were able to remove the bullet safely. Ghoul handed the bullet to Kobra in a cloth. Kobra studied it for a moment and his eyes went wide. He showed it to Poison who showed it to Jet. They were pointing out something and glanced at me. That's when I fell unconscious.

The next morning I woke up to Ghoul sitting under my legs, his eyes closed. I was shirtless under a soft blanket. I was confused and my head felt foggy. I could barely move. There was a dull ache in my shoulder, bringing back memories that I could barely hold onto. I woke Ghoul up with my slight shifting. He groaned in exhaustion. The way his head was turned I could see a small line of dried blood on the back of his neck from where I had pulled the chip.

"Good morning, sunshine." He said in a soft voice.

He reached over to push some hair out of my face. I tried to speak but my words came out as mumbo jumbo.

"Sorry. We had to drug you to get you to stop screaming." He explained and chuckled. "You were in a lot of pain, but you're a real fighter."

This was the second time I had been drugged in a month for screaming. Well fuck. Was it really that bad?

I attempted to sit up but failed. I could barely feel my legs. I was tired. It was time for another nap. My eyelids were growing heavy and Ghoul became blurry. He giggled at my sleepiness before I fell asleep.

My next waking moment, I was free from drugs. Ghoul was still sitting with me. He was watching reruns of old TV shows on a VHS player. Poison had joined him and was stretched out on the loveseat across from us. He was so tall that his legs hung over the side of the couch. I pushed myself up cautiously with the arm that wasn't hurt. My shoulder still protested with searing pain. I made a sound like a "Ooph" and fell back to my laying position. Ghoul and Poison both turned to me.

"I need to go to the bathroom." I said.

Ghoul moved my legs so he could get up to help me. He pulled me up carefully and walked with me as I shuffled to the bathroom. He waited outside for me. After finishing my business, I looked at myself in the mirror. I had pulled a blanket around myself so the boys wouldn't have to stare at me shirtless. When I dropped it, I could see that my shoulder was neatly bandaged. My collarbone on the left side was bruised. My lip was split and hurt when I touched it with my tongue. I had dark circles under my eyes. You could faintly see my old scars on my arms. I turned them in so they were hidden and pulled the blanket back around my bare torso.

Outside the bathroom, Ghoul gently put an arm around me and moved me to his bed.

"How do you feel?" He asked.

He handed me a shirt and I slipped it on over my body.

"My shoulder hurts but I guess I'm alright. How about you?" I answered.

He shrugged. "I'm alright. I'm missing parts of my memory though."

"What do you remember?" I asked him, hoping to help.

He sighed. "The last thing I remembered was laying in your arms dying. Then I remember being chipped in a cold room. After that, nothing. Just you coming back for me."

"I can't help you with the BLI part. But I can tell you what happened to me, I guess."

He nodded. "I would like to know."

I explained how I was taken in by Dr. Death Defying and Show Pony. I explained how I met Rocket and how I struggled. I quietly told him about my suicide attempts. He grabbed my hand tight during those parts. It helped keep me from crying. I then told him about Cherri Cola and how I agreed to save them no matter what.

After my story, Ghoul pulled me into a gentle hug before kissing me softly on the lips. I had missed his kisses and deepened it. I put my good arm over his shoulder and pulled him closer to me. Ghoul reached up and took my face in his hands. His thumbs softly stroked my cheeks. I pulled away, pressing my forehead to his.

"I love you." I whispered, hoping he still felt the same way.

"I love you too." He replied and smiled.

He kissed me once more before pulling away and helping me up off the bed. Once in the sitting room, we were greeted by the other Killjoys. They had changed out of their BLI attire and into their normal gear. Ghoul helped me onto the couch where I leaned back and got comfortable. Kobra held a small cloth in his hand opened it slowly. He pulled out a small object and held it between his fingers. It was a bullet. I assumed it was the one that had come from my shoulder.

"The problem with this is," He began. "It's filled with venom. Lucky for you, it didn't activate and kill you."

"Why would he shoot me with a bullet? Why not a raygun?" I asked.

"I don't know." Kobra sounded aggravated.

Poison joined in, looking off into space. "Maybe it was a warning."

When no one answered, he continued. "It wasn't meant to activate. It was to serve as a warning."

"Why Phoenix?" Ghoul asked.

Kobra smirked. "Because she's important to Ghoul."

Jet made a face, but I could slowly see him beginning to understand. I didn't speak.

"What has that got anything to do with this?" Poison asked.

Kobra laughed without humor. "You honestly don't know? Are you that ignorant? Phoenix is obviously Ghoul's little fuck buddy now."

He placed the bullet on a table next to the loveseat. He sneered at me before crossing his arms and leaving the room. All eyes were on Ghoul and I now. I didn't know to defend myself so I stayed silent.

"What the hell is he talking about?" Poison asked.

"What do you want us to say?" Ghoul replied. "Yeah. Alright. Phoenix is my girlfriend now."

I looked down at my thighs, blushing.

"Ghoul..." I said quietly.

"When did you plan on telling us?" Jet asked.

Poison sighed. "I'm not upset about you two being in a relationship. I'm upset that I was never informed."

Poison's lack of anger surprised me. I thought he would have screamed at us. The subject was quickly changed when Jet asked about my shoulder. I could tell he was trying to ease up the awkwardness. But it still lingered.

"It's fine, thank you." I replied softly.

When I got into bed that night, I felt awful. My shoulder killed me. I couldn't do simple things. Ghoul had to help me get undressed and to wash my hair. He had to squeeze toothpaste on my toothbrush. He had to open my bottle of pills which Show Pony had nicely returned. I didn't like this much help. I wanted to think I was strong enough to do things on my own. I never realized how much I missed my left arm.

Ghoul got under the blankets with me and pulled me close. He stroked my hair and whispered sweet nothings in my ear when I cried from the pain. Before the light, he asked me if I would like to watch the sunrise with him. I agreed, and we made our way to the rooftop. We sat on the edge, our feet dangling. I felt safe with him there in the warm and still air.

The sky above the mountains began to turn a soft pink before lighting up with bright oranges and reds. The big orb we call The Sun made it's appearance as it peaked up from behind the jagged landscape. Ghoul took my hand in his and I leaned my head on his shoulder. I was more tired than I knew. Ghoul scooped me up in his arms carefully where I fell asleep to his soft whispers.

I slept all the next day. I only woke to go to the bathroom and for Ghoul to check my wound. It was far from being infected, which was a very good sign. But my shoulder was permanently damaged. Ghoul informed me that my arm would be weaker than my right for the rest of my life. Though it wouldn't stop me from kicking ass in the future.

The next day we all sat at the kitchen table to listen to Dr. D broadcast news. A hostile group in Zone 3 was inspired by our firefights and had begun to plan a revolt. The revolt hadn't gotten very far, however. It was smothered by Dracs. Two killjoys had been ghosted.

"They do nothing but cause trouble." Poison commented. "Little shits."

"I guess that's why they're called the Khaos Clan." I commented.

Poison snorted. "They think they're pretty fucking shiny. I'll tell ya, they aren't even one of us. To be associated with them makes me want to shoot myself in the face and put my hand in a blender."

Ghoul put his arm around me and laughed.

Kobra looked at us and shook his head, grimacing. "Aw look at you two. It makes me want to pull out my intestines and knit a sweater."

"Thanks for the gruesome thoughts." I replied and got up from the kitchen table. "Now if you'll excuse me, Ghoul and I have somewhere to be today."

Ghoul had promised to take me on a road trip. He wouldn't explain where we were going, only that it would take my breath away. I was feeling curious and adventurous so I played along. Going along for the ride meant getting away from the crew and doing something amusing. Spending time with literal Killjoys became depressing.

The ride was long and I forced Ghoul to listen to music he didn't particularly like. Next, Ghoul got to play his own music. He made me search through the glove compartment until I found The Beastie Boys. We jammed together, having a fantastic time.

Around sunset, we arrived to our destination. The first thing I noticed when we pulled up was a sign declaring, "ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK". Old barbed wire had fallen and was covered in dirt. A broken down Jeep that had been pulled apart by scavengers sat a few feet away. I followed Ghoul up a path littered with glass and old bottles. We carried a tent in a bag and some supplies with us. The climb got steeper and steeper. My shoulder began to ache and Ghoul had to help me along. We had to stop for breaks and take sips from a canteen of water.

As we neared the top, Ghoul ran on without me and I yelled at him.

"Almost there. It's up here." He yelled back.

The sun was nearly setting in the sky. I heaved myself up at the peak of the trail. I could barely breathe. I held on to Ghoul, panting. My shoulder throbbed. Ghoul helped me sit down and gave me sips of water.

"You okay?" He asked.

"Yeah." I breathed.

Once I was ready, he helped me stand back up.

"This is it." he said.

We were on a cliff overlooking a bunch of large shadows in the distance. I had to squint to see the large shadows were buildings. They were corroded and falling apart. In the silence, you could almost hear the metal creaking from their barely stable frames. They were as tall as skyscrapers, looming like ghosts. With the sun setting behind them making their old and cracked structures shine, it took my breath away. It was a whole city. A whole city abandoned.

"Welcome to the city." Ghoul said.


	12. When the Lights Go Out

I was overwhelmed by sadness. I had never seen something so tragic. When I thought about all of the cities just like this one standing empty and rotting, I realized how alone we were in the world. This small civilization in the midst of a wasteland. I felt panicky and unable to breathe. I had to sit down again on the dusty ground.

“You alright?” Ghoul asked. “I’m really sorry I thought you would think it was cool.”

Ghoul sounded sad. I felt awful for reacting the way I did.

“It  _is_  cool. It’s just…” I couldn’t think of words.

Ghoul sighed. “If you’re uncomfortable, we can go home.”

“No. I’m okay. Just exhausted.” I tried to change the subject. “My shoulder hurts.”

Ghoul started a small fire. We set up a tent and ate some canned food while watching the sun disappear into the ground. After we finished our mediocre food, a smile formed on Ghoul's face.

"How about we tell some ghost stories?" He suggested and laughed.

"I don't know any. Well, except for the usual urban legends but I suppose after all we've seen those aren't really so scary anymore." I replied.

Ghoul warmed his hands and smirked. "I know a few. Real stories, too."

"You believe in ghosts?" I asked.

He looked up at me. "You don't?"

"Well, I mean, I guess I do. But I've never had any supernatural experiences." I pulled my long hair into a ponytail.

"Poison's anger can be supernatural."

We both laughed. Silence followed. I never thought about ghosts. I had seen monsters first hand but ghosts? Nah. There was nothing really ghostly that happened in my life. I  _had_  lived in an old victorian, but I never experienced creepy things. Maybe I had just passed off the weird creaks of floorboards as 'it's an old house and it's going to make spooky noises at night'. I was curious to hear what kind of stories Ghoul had to tell, even if they probably were exaggerated.

I broke the silence. "Haha, Ghoul telling ghost stories."

He smiled when he got my joke. "I see what you did there."

I was surprised by Ghoul’s first story, and thought he was just messing with my head.

“So, back in the day our little inn used to be really exclusive. Only the most famous people stayed there. In fact sometimes celebrities would rent out the whole place to have ‘extravagant’ parties. It wasn’t like a regular motel or hotel. It was the inn. When you referred to it as The Inn, people knew what you were talking about.

“Anyways, parties always have their share of drugs, alcohol, scandals, cheating, gambling. I know it from experience. Well one night at the inn, there was a little bit of an argument about a guy being in debt to another guy. One of those guys decided to poison the other’s drink. The guy died in his room. Since there really wasn’t a place to hide the body, he just shoved it under the bed and left. No one knew the guy was there until guests complained of an awful order. They discovered his corpse a few days later.”

“Ew that’s so gross. And they didn’t even know?” I replied, making a face.

“Nope. Stayed there for a week or so.” He laughed.

“Nothing really,” He said. “I just thought it was a cool story to share.”

“What about the ghost stories?” I pried, interested.

Ghoul grinned. “Well, it’s not much of a story but...some folks believe that the spirits of dead Killjoys wander the desert. There’s an old graffitied mailbox in Zone 3 and people put letters to their lost loved ones in it in hope that maybe they might be read. I don’t know much about it, I guess. When I was younger I used to slip letters in to my sister but I don’t think it was of much use. It was just a way to cope with my emotions at the time.”

I moved closer to him and leaned my head on his shoulder. He put an arm around me, sighing. There was no noise except for the crackling of the fire. It was very different from my city life. Back in Battery City, there was always noise. Always cars and people moving about. Here, it was a silence that almost became deafening.

It was getting chillier. I shivered and huddled up to Ghoul.

“Time for bed?” He asked.

“I guess. I’m kinda tired.” I said quietly.

We got into a sleeping bag together, pushed up against each other to keep warm. I closed my eyes and focused on Ghoul’s steady heartbeat. He stroked my hair softly.

“I love you.” He said quietly.

“I love you too.” I whispered, cuddling up into the crook of his neck.

As I fell asleep, I was still very aware of the looming buildings next to us and I was ready to leave my past behind.


	13. Face All the Pain

When I woke up the next morning, my back hurt from the way I slept. I sat up and watched as a little spider ran in and out of our tent. Sunlight filtered in from the open flap of the tent. Ghoul was already up finding us breakfast in the backpack we brought with us. It was already starting to get hot and my lips were extremely dry.

I sat up and checked my boots for critters before putting them on. I laced them slowly due to my foggy head. When I was done, I ducked out of the tent and sat with Ghoul. He handed me a fork and my breakfast.

“Good morning, sunshine.” He said cheerfully. “Time to go home. After we take showers and stuff, I thought we could go one more place.”

I smiled. “Cool. I’m pumped.”

We packed up before it got any hotter and trudged down to the Trans Am. My shoulder was aching and I really need to rest. I napped all the way home from exhaustion. Ghoul didn’t seem to mind at all. When we were home, we took all of our things inside and washed up. Ghoul changed my bandage and cleaned my wound which hurt like a bitch. He said that it looked like it was healing well.

Feeling refreshed, we got back in the car after a quick refuel. Ghoul used the radio to talk to a few other Killjoys and send out transmissions. I just listened, not really understanding their slang words.

“I checked with some people to make sure the roads were clear. Dracs are all hanging out in Zones 1 + 2. Most are occupied with a waste spill on the outskirts. It should be a surprisingly clear day today.” He told me.

“I’ve seen enough Dracs for the rest of my life.” I replied.

Ghoul laughed. “Haven’t we all?”

Two hours later Ghoul pulled onto a dirt road. The ride was bumpy. Colorful signs pointed to a small object in the distance. As we got closer I could see it was what Ghoul had been talking about last night. The colorful post box. It looked like one you would see at a post office where the mailman came to pick up the mail. The only difference was that it had been decorated. We arrived at the mailbox and went to inspect it.

“There are where all the letters go. I guess someone must come and get them because if they didn’t, it would be kinda full.” Ghoul said. “I brought something to put in it but it’s not much.”

He pulled a photograph out of his pocket and showed it to me before sliding it in the slot. It depicted him and who I assumed was his sister. She had dark brown hair and a bright smile. I could tell it was a copy of an older photograph because it was printed on regular paper.

“I wish I had something to put in.” I said sadly.

“There might be something for you to write on in the glove compartment. I know there’s an old stub of a pencil in there.” Ghoul replied.

I went into the Trans Am and pulled out an old takeout menu with the the stubby pencil. I wrote a quick letter to my mother on a blank space.

         _Mom,_

         _Sorry I don’t have proper paper. I met a really nice guy and I love him a lot. I think if you met him you’d love him too. I’m sad I can’t see you. I really miss you. I hope I get to see you again soon. Maybe someday._

         _Love,_

         _Adelaide_

 

I took a deep breath and slipped it into the box. Whoever found my letter on a stupid takeout menu would probably laugh.

Ghoul and I took one last look at the postbox before getting in the Trans Am and driving home once more. We didn’t talk. We thought about the people we missed and what it would be like if they were here to answer our letters. If only I could tell my mom about Ghoul and the adventures we were having. I knew she couldn’t really hear me but I still hoped that if she was out there somewhere she would know that I was safe and happy.


	14. Runaway Scars

That night Ghoul and I ate dinner alone. The others were out getting drunk and partying. Ghoul was usually the party type but recently he had become more of an introvert. Not that I really minded because I didn't want to embarrass myself by doing something stupid.

After dinner, Ghoul and I watched the sunset on the roof. Ghoul reached over and took my hand in his.

"You never told me about you." He said.

I was a bit taken aback. I didn't know he had still remembered our conversation from way back when.

"I don't know what to really say." I replied.

"Where you were born, where you lived, life accomplishments."

I laughed and sighed. "You don't want to know about me."

"Yes I do. I'll tell you about me if you tell me about you." He responded. "I'll go first."

"I was born on October 31st in Belleville, New Jersey. I grew up in Kearny, New Jersey. I was sick a lot when I was young. I had a terrible immune system and spent a lot of time in hospitals. I remember when I was 11 we were driving home from the doctors after I had been diagnosed with another ear infection and my mom broke the news to me that would change my life. Her and my father were getting divorced.

With that, we moved far from my hometown to California. I spent my time being an introvert in my room playing guitar. I learned from watching Billy Joe Armstrong play in live Green Day videos. I didn't have any friends. I didn't like school. My sister Alice wasn't old enough to understand what was going on. She has no memories of us moving.

However, she does have memories of my mom's new husband. He had to live with us and he lost his job. He drank in the evenings while watching TV reruns. He would become loud and scary so I always hid my sister from him. I would show her where to go if she got scared. He scared me, too. He screamed at me when he saw me.

I had a feeling he had begun to hurt my mom, but she covered it up with makeup. I had no support from anyone and didn't know what to do with my feelings. I smoked a lot of weed for awhile and skipped school. I gave up weed after I noticed my inability to think and my sudden fear of the government watching me through my tv. I smoked regular cigarettes instead. I tried to stay away from people. Sometimes I wasn't sure if my life was even real. It was like fading in and out of a dream.

All things come to an end. There was talk of tension in other countries as always. But we weren't ready for the war. It was so sudden. We were having a huge issue with wildfires in California. Thousands were losing their homes. In our weakest moment they bombed us. There weren't enough people to fight. Once we were obviously outnumbered, they took us all into camps. When they came knocking at our door I tried to fight against them. I wasn't letting them take my sister. The soldiers tried to fire at me but my mom's husband took the bullet for me. I was surprised, I still don't know why he did.

In the camps we were trained to fight. I wasn't very useful with anything expect weaponry so they made me assemble and fix guns. Once I became extremely good at it, I moved on to bombs. From there I became a bomber. That's where...that's where most of my nightmares start. I saw things that I still cannot forget after all these years.

Our camps were raided a few months later. I tried to leave and save my sister but it was too late. I told you what happened. Recently I found out that my mother hung herself in her apartment in Battery City. I don't know if my biological father is still living. That's all I know."

I immediately began my story and trembled as I spoke. I was afraid of being judged but it was too late. I would tell him every word. He would be the first to know everything.

"I was born on November 14th on the outskirts of Los Angeles. I lived in a nice house in a nice neighborhood. I had no siblings. I loved my parents and my life. My childhood was rather pleasant. Like you, my parent's separated. They did this when I was 13. My dad just called my mom one day after he hadn't been seen for a week and told her he was leaving her. She was really upset. My mom got a new boyfriend after a while. He seemed charming at first and quite kind.

"One day when I was in my room and my mom had left to the store he knocked on my door. He never came to talk to me so it was kind of weird for me. E-except he...he wasn't there to talk."

I sat quietly, looking out at the mountains. Tears had begun to form in my eyes. My lips trembled uncontrollably but I continued on with my story.

"This happened a lot until I started puberty. I was a late bloomer. After that, he didn't touch me. He threatened to kill me or my mom if I told anyone what he did. I didn't know how to cope with my feelings. I stayed in my room and burned myself with hot matches. I think my mom knew but she never asked if I was okay. Her boyfriend was a wonderful liar.

"I dropped out of high school. I didn't want to look at people because I felt like they would know my secret just by looking into my eyes. I shouldn't have dropped out but I guess it doesn't really matter now. I just knew that I wanted to disappear.

"When they came to the door for us I didn't struggle. I didn't even cry. I felt nothing. When my mom died of disease I still felt nothing. When I found out my real father died in the war I felt nothing. I was numb for so long until I met you."

Ghoul hugged me tightly and let me sob into his chest. It felt so good to get out my emotions.

"You trusted me." Ghoul said quietly.

"I knew I could. I'm sorry for lying. I didn't think it was a good idea for me to tell you that I was abused right before we had sex. It wasn't the right time." I replied.

"But...you still trusted me. Fuck, I feel like I could have really hurt you."

"But you didn't hurt me, Ghoul." I said, leaning my head against his chest. "I wasn't even thinking of my abuse I was just thinking about how much I loved you. I know that sounds crazy and I'm sorry for that. I'm ready to move on and heal."

"I understand." He said. "Just please don't ever hesitate to tell me if I make you feel uncomfortable, okay? I don't want to hurt you."

I nodded and suggested that we head to bed because I was tired.

As we were getting undressed, he stopped me.

"Turn and look at me." Ghoul said.

I did as he said, confused. He looked me over and frowned. He took my hands in his.

"Can you make me a promise?"

"Depends on what it is." I replied.

"Don't ever hurt yourself again. I won't get mad with you if you do, but I want you to feel okay to confide in me about this stuff." He said.

"Okay." I would try.


	15. I'll Be Your Android Girl

My shoulder healed well. We had no issue with it getting infected despite my constant adventures with Ghoul. The ache began to fade each day, but I was left with permanent damage. My shoulder was weak and made a strange clicking noise when I moved it a certain way. But just as we thought things were getting easier, new news came through.

We were all in the sitting room visiting with Cola and Rocket. Rocket was so happy to see us all together again. She took a seat next to Kobra who didn't seem to mind her presence. Jet handed us all shots of vodka. Cola held his up.

"A toast to the fabulous and unbeatable killjoys. Cheers, my friends." He said with a grin.

We all leaned in to clink our small shot glasses together.

"Bottoms up." Poison said.

I had never been exposed to such a strong drink so I immediately started coughing. Kobra laughed at me.

"I'm a hard liquor virgin." I retorted as Ghoul poured us all another one.

" _Hard liquor_  virgin." Kobra said with a smirk.

Poison took his second shot and then said, "You're just jealous, Kob because you ain't gettin' any."

I grimaced after my second shot. I felt gross. I put the shot glass on the table next to me before tuning the radio into Dr. D's station. We talked through the advertisements for radiation checks and silenced for the news.

"New info from the Zones, Tumbleweeds. Rumor has it that the rogues are planning another uprising." Dr. D cleared his throat. "Usually I don't report much anymore about them due to the fact that most of their attempts to cause any kind of change has failed. But there more recent plans are aimed towards a new experiment going on in Bat City. When I get more information, I'll let you in on it. Now for the weather."

Poison shook his head. "Fucking idiots."

Rocket scolded him. "Shut up I want to hear the weather."

Poison flipped her off and she stuck her tongue out at him.

"Unfortunately we have a storm coming in from the west off of the ocean. It ain't slowin' down for us. Hold tight, motorbabies. All zone runners...I suggest you find a place to hunker down for the night unless you want to be blown all the way to China. It looks like it might rain for a few days. The most we've had in years! Flooding is possible in areas near Bat City. That's all for today, folks. Next on the radio we got some tunes from Mad Gear and Missile Kid."

We took Dr. D's advice seriously and boarded our windows tightly after gathering some extra supplies. Ghoul and I sat in the ballroom listening to the thunder. It shook the whole inn. I was almost afraid of the place falling apart. The rain could possibly start leaks that soaked the whole place to rotting out.

I looked over at Ghoul and sighed. He winked at me and grinned.

"Here we are. You...Me...in the ballroom...alone." He said.

I giggled and shook my head. "I think we need to go help the others."

"The others are already done. They are busy drinking themselves to hell in the other room." He replied.

We didn't talk for some time. Ghoul broke the silence.

"I used to be so good at this."

"Good at what?"

"Wooing girls."

I burst out into laughter. "Wooing girls? You don't even have to try to woo me. I'm already yours."

He chuckled and shook his head. "The thing is, I actually feel so nervous around you. I feel like I'm not good enough."

I ruffled his hair. "I'm a complete loser next to you. I'm the one that should be nervous."

There was a loud knock at the ballroom door. I heaved a sigh and pushed myself up from the floor. Jet pushed open the heavy wooden doors and peered in to the darkness.

"What are you guys doing?" He asked.

"Fucking around." Ghoul replied, smirking.

"I told him we shouldn't be hiding out here." I gave Ghoul a harsh look.

"Goody two shoes here wants to actually do work." He jabbed his thumb in my direction and I rolled my eyes.

"Are you coming to sit with us in the living room or not?"

We pulled ourselves from the floor and followed Jet into the sitting room. I sat down next to Ghoul on the loveseat. All eyes were on us.

"What were you two up to? Thought we would all watch reruns of Scooby Doo on the VHS player." Poison said. "But we couldn't get it working."

"I'm the only one who knows how to fix things around here." Ghoul mumbled and shuffled over to the TV.

Kobra turned to me and said, "What he lacks in height he makes up for with his ego."

I could see that it took every once in Ghoul not to tackle Kobra to the floor. The laughter from all of us softened the hard look on his face.

 


	16. Bombs They Build

In our room, I got undressed immediately with Ghoul. We just laid together in the warmth of the blankets, enjoying each other's presence. In this home we made for ourselves, I could pretend there weren't people out there to try to kill us. It was as if there were never bombs dropped or radiation or death. I imagined the rain falling on the roof was absolutely normal and the plants outside weren't dying. I could almost see the green grass growing again.

Our kisses were soft. Our whispers were quiet. In the dark we melted together and became one.

"Adelaide." Ghoul whispered my name, his breath warm on my cheek.

"Yes?" I asked.

"Are we the bad guys?"

I was taken aback by his question. "Of course not! Why would you ask that?"

"Am I a bad person?" He whispered into the darkness.

"You haven't done anything remotely bad! What the hell are you talking about?" I tried to focus on his features.

The large storm was over us now and the thunder shook our room. Ghoul rolled onto his back, untangling himself from me. He didn't say anything for a long time, leaving me to believe he was asleep. His sudden existential crisis left me shocked and left to contemplate alone. 

Just as I began to fall asleep, Poison burst into our room.

"Get up and dressed. Grab your guns. It's an emergency."

I pulled the blankets around me and sat up.

"What the fuck?" Ghoul asked sleepily.

"Riot in Bat City. The pigs are thinking about dropping a bomb in the desert to kill us all."


	17. If Heaven Wants To Take Us

I wasn’t quite sure what was going on, but I nearly fell out of bed as I scrambled to get to some clothes. Ghoul got changed much quicker than I did. I still had spots in my vision from getting up so quickly. I could barely tie my shoes. The world spun around me. As my brain begin to function more normally I thought about Poison’s words. Bomb? Why? Why now?

Ghoul grabbed his gun and started to walk out of the room. He looked back at me with a confused expression. I was still struggling to loop my laces. My hands were shaking. I tried so hard to steady them, silently beating myself up for it. Ghoul came to kneel in front of me and began to pull my laces through. My eyes blurred with tears. I was so afraid of losing him again.

Ghoul finished and looked up at me. He frowned when he saw my wet eyes. He took my face in his hands and pressed a gentle kiss to my forehead. We walked out of our room, his arm around me and my gun in a holster at my side.

We all met in the Trans Am. I hit my head on the ceiling when I attempted to crawl into the back seat. I was so flustered. The others seemed unafraid. I looked over at Ghoul and saw that he had a faint scar that started at the edge of his mouth and ran to the middle of his cheek. I had never ever noticed it before. With a change of the light, I could no longer see it. Ghoul noticed me staring at him.

“What?” He said.

I shrugged. “Nothing”

The road was quiet until we made it to Zone 2. Killjoys were gathered in groups. Some were shouting. As we got closer to the city, the Killjoys became more violent. They threw things at the city walls.        

One Killjoy with a bandana covering his nose and mouth yelled at the tunnel to the city, “Come out wherever you are, you pigs! Face us like real men!”

There was nowhere else for us to go with the car. Poison didn’t want to abandon the Trans Am. It was his baby. He would protect it until the end of times.

“Alright. We aren’t going any farther in the car. Kobra, Jet, and Ghoul, go weave your way through the crowd and try to find out what the hell is going on.” Poison rubbed his temples.

Ghoul got out with Kobra and Jet. I followed. Poison’s head snapped up.

“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” He yelled at me.

“With them.” I replied.

Poison laughed without humor. “Yeah. Okay. You’re not getting yourself killed.”

I looked back at Ghoul for backup but he pushed me back into the car.

“Phoenix, stay here. It’s safer.” He said before shutting the door.

I growled in frustration, throwing myself into the passenger seat.

“You don’t know what you’re getting yourself into.” Poison said.

“Excuse me?” I asked, confused.

“Ghoul has had...a harder life than all of us.” He replied.

“I know.” I said.

Poison sighed. “It’s better to back out before you fall in love completely, Phoenix. Take my advice. Ghoul has seen shit that I don’t even want to go into. One day, he’s going to snap. I don’t want you to be there when he does. Leave now and remember him as he was. Save yourself.”

“It’s kind of too fucking late for that. I’m not leaving him. Why do you care anyway?” I was peeved.

“Did he tell you he was an assassin too? Shot innocent people as he was told to. I bet he didn’t tell you that. He took on that job after he bombed shelters full of women and children.” Poison didn’t stop there. “He practically killed his own sister. Eight fucking years old.”

That was it. I opened the car door and before I slammed it shut I heard him yell, “You’re making a huge mistake!”

Mad, I began walking around looking for the guys. The other Killjoys around were smashing bottles and screaming about their human rights. I tried to avoid the violent ones and pushed towards the front of the crowd.

“Phoenix!” Someone screamed at me.

I turned in every direction, looking for the person who had called my name. I spotted Cola. He waved at me frantically and approached me.

“Cola.” I greeted him.

“Phoenix, what are you doing here? Where are the others?” He asked.

“That’s what I’m trying to find out.” I replied.

“We should probably go find th-” His words were cut off.

A shot rang through the crowd. Standing on platforms above the wall, S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W stood holding large guns. The crowd began to get even more hostile. I was pushed into Cola and nearly fell. I turned to Cola, trying to hold on to him but I lost him in the wave of people. The ground shook and explosions sounded so loud that my ears rang. I needed to find Ghoul, Kobra, and Jet. I screamed their names, running through the crowd of people. I shoved people out of my way. Hot tears ran down my face.

I passed dead allies as I ran. Some missing limbs. Some with heads broken open, brains spilling onto the dirt. The images burned into my mind. No matter how far I ran, the crowd didn’t get any smaller. I couldn’t find the end. Shots were being fired into the throng of people. Killjoys around me dropped dead. What if Poison left without us? The thought made my stomach churn.

I gagged as I passed a blown up Killjoy. It was then that I spotted Ghoul. He was screaming my name. I ran right into his arms. He held me at arms length as I screamed about losing Cola and dead bodies. All he could mouth was ‘I know’.

“What’s become of us?” I sobbed.

I fell to the ground. Ghoul screamed my name. I grabbed for him. So much blood. I gasped for air. It hurt so much. I saw Kobra behind Ghoul. He was screaming at someone off into the distance.

“Don’t you die on me! Phoenix! Stay with me, baby.” Ghoul shouted.

Tears began to stream down Ghoul’s face. I had never seen a grown man cry in my whole life.

“You can’t leave me. I can’t live without you.” He sobbed. “I love you so much.”

I love you too, Ghoul.


	18. The Light Behind Your Eyes (Epilogue)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The second book is called Death Valley and will be posted soon! It's on Wattpad already if you can't wait, haha.
> 
> Death Valley video: https://youtu.be/_AytOHPTeU8

Weeks passed and I grew stronger. The injury made it almost impossible for me to move without screaming in pain and passing out for the first few days. Ghoul stayed by my side everyday. He stayed awake with me, holding my hand. Sometimes his voice would break and he would almost begin to cry. He would go on about how he was so scared of losing me. I promised him I wasn't going anywhere. I kept my promise.

After the incident with the riot, things went back to normal. We lost a lot of Killjoys. A lot. We stopped listening to Dr. D talk about the casualties on the radio because it just made us sad.

"We need to focus on the future." Poison told us as he turned off the radio. "The future is bulletproof."

Rocket visited me when she could. She brought me my favorite drink and made me laugh with silly stories about where she worked. Rocket became one of my best friends.

And for Ghoul and I's relationship?

He took my hand and guided me to the roof. He told me to close my eyes. I giggled at the thought of a surprise. Ghoul's surprises were always the best.

"Open your eyes." He told me.

Ghoul had some how managed to get a table and two chairs up on the roof. In the middle of the table sat a vase of roses and two plates. All around the table were vases and vases of beautiful flowers that usually didn't grow in the desert. I was amazed by their beauty. Their scent filled the air.

Ghoul walked me over to a chair and he sat across from me. We ate a romantic dinner while watching the sunset. It was truly the cutest thing he had ever done for me. We chatted about mundane things. Suddenly, Ghoul changed the subject.

"Phoenix. You are the most beautiful woman in the whole world." He said.

I laughed and blushed. "Thank you, but I'm afraid I'm not even close."

Ghoul shook his head and smiled. He got up from the table and came to my side. He helped me to my feet and looked into my eyes.

"Do you remember the first day we met?" He asked me.

"How could I forget it? It was the day that changed my life." I replied.

"I held out my hand to you. You took my hand. And now," Ghoul reached into his pocket, holding something shiny. "I want to take yours.

He got down on one knee. "Phoenix, will you marry me?"

_THE END_

Phoenix and Ghoul will appear in the next installment.


End file.
